RE: Smart, Cool, Funny, Stylish, Sophisticated NYer 4 You!!!!!

Smart, Cool, Funny, Stylish, Sophisticated NYer 4 You !!!!! - 31 (NOT SEOUL --BUSAN )

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Date: 2009-11-30, 7:46PM KT

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I just turned 31, and I have gotten a lot of replies to my last ad. I feel like it is a really possible that someone good could come from this website. All of the replies I've gotten are from women not in Busan. So that's the only catch. Let me make it crystal clear that I will not travel outside Busan and I'm really not interested in traveling far within Busan too. SO if YOU want to travel to me, I'm cool with that, but not for some one day a week type of thing, that's not a real relationship.

In America, craigslist is for psychos but maybe in Korea......maybe there's a chance at quality love here.

A personal ad is no place for modesty, so don't expect to find any of that below:

I came to Korea for Love & Money. I have the money, and a great apartment with panoramic views of the ocean....an ideal job...now I just need a great quality lover. I am a professional chef, I can cook Mexican, Indian, Thai, Italian, American, Korean, Chinese...really anything...and better than a restaurant. So each night I eat amazing food, alone. I keep my house clean.

I expect a professional, intelligent, MATURE, funny, beautiful, thin, stylish, sexy, cool young woman. This is what I deserve and this is what I demand. Someone like me, knows themselves very well. I know exactly what I like and what I need. I know exactly how to love and how to be generous and supportive and romantic. I make a great lover. I won't settle for mediocrity and I won't settle for bad company. Life is too short. No company is always better than bad company or even enduring the mundane.

I was a professional artist for quite a few years in NY. I lived in NY my whole life and in Korea for about a year and a half now.

I'm a Scorpio, with Scorpio rising as well....... I'm deep......sensual.....passionate..... and also funny.

I'm ready, if you dare.

Colin Heintze to pers-7utp8-148.

show details 6:23 AM (17 hours ago)

Hey there, I’m a Boston girl, and I want to say YANKEES SUCK!

Really, you’re from New York? New York is whacked. I got an uncle from New York and he’s mad queer, was always touchin on my younga brother, askin us if we wanted to go get frappes an tonics down in Scollay Square. Wicked stupid, right? You remind me of him. I bet you’re queer for Jeter.

All I hear is blah blah blah “fine cooking” blah blah blah “art”. If you want real cooking get your New York ass down to Eastie an’ get yourself some scrod. You want real art, you should watch the fuckin Sox, or the Patsies, or the Seltz. All our teams fuckin rule your retarded New York teams. I know the Yankees got lucky this year, but next year Ortiz is gonna have a healthy knee and he’ll go yard all over you New York queers.

SOX RULE!

RE: Unboring Hangout Friends First

Unboring Hangout Friends First (Seoul)

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Date: 2009-11-30, 12:36PM KT

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Essentials:
Be attractive. Know how to dress with a sense of style- no need to wear Helmut Lang if you know what I mean. But if you do possess one of his write me. Be located in Seoul, preferably above the river. The season's arrived. Be comfortable with hanging out at upscale places now and then. I am cute and petite, so don't be fat. Don't be smaller than 5'9 or taller than 6'1 either.

Considerations:
Have a style and don't say you enjoy going to the museums here. Good command of written language. Extremely well-educated guys whose intellects also allow them poignantly aware that being smart doesn't necessarily get them very far, and many times left feeling empty, baffled and dumb. Old-fashioned decency, manners and compassion- a huge plus point.

I am not interested in what you do as much as how you look. When you reply please send me a pic along with your answers on the essential requirements.

• Location: Seoul
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I Am A Man of no Modest Aplomb

Anton Kimble Blackwater, at your service! I am writing in response to your personal ad to express my relief at finally finding a lady of refinement who has not been already betrothed!

Who am I, you ask? I have so many epitaphs: the Jali tribe of Papua-New Guinea calls me korno baba, meaning “white poet-king” in their moribund tongue; the tabloids call me “The Godfather of Gauche”, referring to my extensive wardrobe and sundry collection of priceless adornments; and the Zurich chapter of the Bilderberg Group calls me its most important member! (that last one was written by man-servant Mandalay who, against my wishes, is attempting to pursue a career in comedy) You, however, can simply call me Anton: tomb-hunter, gamesman, adventurer, and gentleman explorer.

There is one aspect of your posting that raises some alarm, however – your inferred appreciation of Helmut Lang. The whole affair sounds so… noveau riche. Are you simply sowing your oats with the lower classes as I once did as a disaffected youth in the bazaars and opium-parlors of Marrakesh? For, you see, I would never be associated with such rubbish. My suits are made only by the skilled hands of a 119-year-old Genoese friar, and only from the most supple fur of the yellow panda.

What’s that? You say there is no such thing as a yellow panda? Bah! You are only displaying your own ignorance! Clearly you have never studied cryptozoology or attended Thelemic occult rituals in the ossuary of a Hungarian castle. Remove yourself from my sight, you common urchin, lest I command man-servant Mandalay to do it for you!

I’m sorry I was uncourtly there for a moment. I am simply so… on edge. You see, lately my half-brother Cecil - damn him for the illegitimate half-Creole he is! – has been increasing his attempts to purloin me of our father’s inheritance. I can sense him every night, hovering in his dirigible just outside my bedchamber window, pulling on his moustache as he conjures diabolical plots.

My time may be short. Reply to me… make haste! I can hear the ivory tip of Cecil’s cane tapping along the marble floors of Blackwater Manor as we speak!

XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com to me

show details 6:13 AM (17 hours ago)

Sir,

So you are basically what.. a prince or something? Don't you think you play video games too much?

I am willing to be acquainted with a deliciously delusional person, so let me know where your highness resides and how he looks like in layman's terms and modern tools.

I am Korean, not as feisty as my post might sound. Though I am not going to take my superficiality label back, so suit yourself.

Colin Heintze to XXXXXXXXXX

show details 6:58 AM (17 hours ago)

A prince? My, my, no dear lady - any title of "prince" I may possess is simply honorary, such as has been bestowed upon me by the Raj of Hindu Kush and Sultan of Songhai.

No, I am just a common man. My father was a wealthy New England rubber magnate and my mother a Spanish wet nurse. Like most children, I spent my childhood between society galas in the New World and caravan crossings in French Algeria.

I must say, I have mixed feelings about your ethnic... dilemma. You see, as the scion and sole remaining heir of the Blackwater estate it is expected of me that I marry among my own kind, the blue-blooded families of New England. That isn't just an expression, by the way: open my veins and you'll see my blood is indeed blue, a sign of true breeding! My father, however, broke from this tradition when he married my mother, in secret, one thundering night on the Spanish Isle of San Cristobal. So, while I am loathe to further dilute my bloodline, I do have my father's legacy to live up to.

You want to know my physiognomy, you say? Well, I have a broad, strong chest due to countless hours of Tropian Island honor-grappling, lean, muscular legs from sundry excursions up ice-clothed peaks, and a chiseled, jutting jaw - a hallmark, if you care to see the Blackwater family portraits, of my distinguished lineage.

Shallow? You believe I think you shallow? Nothing could be further from the truth! As my childhood tutor, Hanno of Alexandria, once instructed me, beauty brings us closer to god (in his case, the Hellenic god Aesclepius, that serpent-bodied trickster my master revered with such fervor!). I assume a woman who appreciates beauty, or as you put it, "only cares about how you look", has a rich and fulfilling intellectual life. I myself can have quite the critical eye - why, just the other day I was entertaining the Baroness of Saxony and noticed a patch of dry skin beneath her left ear, no doubt the product of her ancestor's dalliances with those dubious Hapsburgs!

Looking For Love

Looking For Love - 26 (Seoul)

So, It's been awhile since my last break-up and, on the advice of my therapist, I should "put myself out there". I guess that's what $40 an hour gets me - nothing a few reruns of Dr. Phil couldn't tell me.

Anyways, I really want love, though I'm really not sure how to go about getting it. I recently got out of a long relationship and I suppose you can say it left me a little bitter. Or, if you are my therapist you DO say that, and I just nod my head like a cirus seal... anything to keep the pills coming.

I guess I don't have a very high opinion of love. It just seems so overrated. I mean sure, all the cuddling and sex and affection is nice while it lasts, which it won't, because I don't deserve to be happy and even if I did, someone or something always sabotages it - whether it's the girl with the low tank top I looked at FOR LIKE HALF A SECOND or game seven of the NBA Finals just happening to fall on our anniversary. I've learned that love usually involves a lot of crying and throwing away your future to move to Columbus to raise some kid that isn't even yours that she got during the two months you were broken up and she went to go "find herself" in Spain even though you had to stay behind to make the rent since you had a year-long lease on the apartment and both of you were too stubborn to move out then she comes back and wants to go into couple's therapy but your insurance doesn't cover it so does she get a job? Nooooooooooooo, of course not, because you're nothing but a doormat with a cash-withdrawl button. Fucking bitch. What were we talking about?

Location: Seoul
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1487697243

Epic Date Fail Has Returned!

For all you fans out there, Epic Date fail is back online after a long hiatus. I apologize for the delay, but I have been so busy doing interesting/sexy/heroic things I haven't had the time to work on this... monstrosity. So, take the guns out of your mouths and take the toasters off the ledges of your bathtubs, because we're back. I can't promise the same output as months past, but I will try to keep you, my loyal fan(s?) in failure. Also, if you want to keep me productive, then become a follower, or leave comments. Is that a threat? Yes, yes is it. Do those things or I will come to your house and cudgel you with a sock full of nickles.

- The Omega Man

Any Young Women Like Nature and Overthrowing the Federal Government?

Any Young Women Like Nature and overthrowing the Federal Government? - 25 ((hiding))

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Reply to: pers-gc2gu-1172845983@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-15, 3:26PM MDT

Okay, I'll admit it - maybe cloistering myself in a shack with no running water deep in the Idaho countryside wasn't the best thing for my social life. But when you're tormented by Ted Chambers and his army of totalitarian cronies, you just can't be too close to all the surveillance, the cameras, the wiretaps the... satellites... always watching... the satellites.

So, I'm taking a big risk here, but I'm reaching out, hoping to find a girl who will aid me in my vision of a world freed from the maw of totalitarian big government gangsters like Ted Chambers. I enjoy camping, fishing, working on my 14,000 page anti-government manifesto, mailing threatening letters to major media outlets, and a quiet night indoors. My place is pretty modest, but comfortable. Not as comfortable as the 12,000 square foot house I used to own, the same house City Councilman Chambers told me was three feet taller than the zoning code. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE NO MORE THAN 65 FEET FROM THE GROUND, NOT THE FOUNDATION!!!! NOT THE FOUNDATION, YOU BLOATED NAZI AUTOCRAT!!!! Of course, since being fired from Lockhead-Martin last fall, I can't really afford better, but I get by. All I really need is few bags of beans from the general store, reams of paper, and ammunition for the inevitable day when the federal government gestapo comes to silence me for speaking out against their one-world new world order agenda. Point is, I can't afford to take you out a lot.

What was that? Are they here? Have they come to get me? No. No. It was just a squirrel.

Ted Chambers has done everything in his power to shut me up, from that bogus restraining order, to the trumped-up charges of "attempting to start a secessionist citizen militia group". He even got me fired from my job, for allegedly using my workstation to send "threatening, harassing, and inflammatory emails". So, what could I do? I cashed in my 401, converted it to gold (I don't trust money since Nixon/Greenspan took us off the gold standard. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THE ECONOMY IS HURTING, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THE ADOPTION OF FIAT MONEY BY FEUDAL WALL STREET BARONS AND THEIR SNIVELING LAPDOGS IN CONGRESS!!!) and devoted myself entirely to falling off the grid and fighting the federal government and all the Ted Chambers in the world. All I'm looking for is the same in a woman.

Jesus. I heard something. Is that them? Has the day of my prophesying come... no. False alarm. Just the wind. Just a lonely, lonely wind.

Location: (hiding)
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1172845983

RE: HANDSOME HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER SEEKS SEXY GIRL TO COME TO CALIFORNIA!

HANDSOME HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER SEEKS SEXY GIRL TO COME TO CALIFORNIA! - 39 (Hollywood Hills)

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Reply to: pers-kvzbm-1152279880@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-03, 11:10AM MDT

I am living an ADVENTURE!
Making Movies, TV & Music that entertain the World!
Life only goes around once, jump in & go for it!
Creativity, nature, showbiz, fun & adventure!
Tell me about yourself!

Location: Hollywood Hills
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1152279880

Letter of Cease and Desist
Colin Heintze to pers-kvzbm-115.
show details 3:26 PM (1 minute ago)

Dear Mr. Crowe

I must say I am shocked and disappointed by your insistence to violate the terms of the cease and desist order issued to you February 17th of this year that clearly bans you from using craigslist as a medium for recruiting further victims. You paid quite a great deal of money to keep the family of Sheila Meyers quiet about your last "incident", an offer they took on good faith with the understanding that you would never put young women through what you did their daughter. Just to be clear Russell, I would like to remind you of the stipulations of your bond/civil suits:

1a. The defendant (Russell Crowe) is hereby prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting anything on the website "craigslist". Investigators found that his posts "Come With Me to California for Movie Magic" and "Production Assistants Needed in Hollywood Hills", as well as several others suspected to be authored by Crowe, were ads intended to lure young women to hotel rooms. In almost every case, the women were severely beaten and sexually assaulted by Crowe, often in the adapted persona of one of his film characters.

1b. The defendant is furthermore prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting on any "social networking sites" such as "Myspace", "Facebook", "Twitter", or "singlehornykids.com".

2a. The defendant is furthermore required to take alcohol abuse classes, at the insistence of his council who suffered several violent assaults at the hands of the rogue film icon.

2b. Subsequent legal defenses of "I was taking the piss out of a 24-pack of Foster's" will not be admissible in court. Though it is a tried and true legal response in the defendant's native Australia, there is no legal precedent in Los Angeles County that could entertain such a legal defense.

3. The defendant (Crowe) is required to take at least 180 hours of anger management, due to his numerous threats/attacks on peace officers, courtroom personnel, and random citizens described by the defendant as "looking a little bloody poncy."

4. In the event of violation of these terms, the defendant will be immediately deported and sentenced to a life term on the prison colony Australia. He shall be housed in the medium-security facility of Melbourne, a facility dept. of Corrections analysts have concluded houses an inmate population with a similar temperament to Mr. Crowe's own.

5. Under no circumstances is the defendant allowed to record to an analog or digital format, or perform publicly, any of his "music", which has been defined by the courts as the worst act of violence yet perpetrated by the defendant. Violation of this term will result in the same punishment outlined in section 4.

I hope that has reminded you of everything you have at stake here, Russell. Though I am a fan of your distinguished film career, I must insist you abide by the terms of the court ruling, as your rampage of rape, beatings, and aurally offensive music has left deep national scars that need time to heal.

Fearfully Yours,
Samuel Pfister, Attorney at Law

Help me Clean up this Filthy, Pornographic City?

Help me Clean up this Filthy, Pornographic City? - 25 (Denver)

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Reply to: pers-xxw3r-1152457166@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-03, 1:03PM MDT

So it's come to this. Dating on the internet, that putrid, dripping soul of society's collective filth and indecency.

I thought on my nightly constitutionals, as I stalk the city seeking to punish the transgressors slowly driving society into a mire of offal and excrement, I would have found a nice girl. Every girl likes a hero, right? And heroes are hard to come by in this day and age, where the good cower behind bolted doors, ignoring the cries in the night as the evil and corrupt ply their depraved trades, making life a stinking sewer of vice and corruption. The pimps. The dealers. The glassy-eyed whores offering every debauched pleasure simply for a chance to plunge poison into their diseased arms.

I specifically asked for no mayo on this sandwich, yet there is clearly mayo on here, right between the foul, spoiled lettuce and immoral, hedonistic turkey. I must make a note to visit that boy behind the sandwich counter one of these howling, lonely nights. If he is unable to withhold his end of the social contract and make a sandwich as specified, then he must suffer at the hands of the righteous avenger.

I thought I had met a nice girl a few months back, as I prowled the cold night, peeking in windows to locate despicable crimes in action. She was being raped. The evil pig atop her grunting and moaning, drops of foul sweat falling from his brow. I kicked in the door and beat him, beat him with the rage of a thousand avenging angels, until he would never defile another innocent again. And, did I get any thanks? No, just a whole lot of "oh my God, my boyfriend!" and calls of "murderer! Murderer!". Sheesh. Women.

My god. In front of this window, there is a young woman changing, undoubtedly to fulfill some kind of depraved exhibitionist perversion. I will watch. That will be her punishment, to know that the one righteous man in this stinking brothel of a city will watch her and judge her. My god, are those C cups? They didn't look that big under her nighty. I will continue to punish her until I can no longer hang onto the sixth story ledge.

Have to go now. There is a young couple walking down the street. He has his arm around her, and she is looking at him with all the trust and adoration of a woman who is about to be kidnapped, sold into slavery, and gang-raped for years by visiting Russian businessmen. "I must stop it". That's what I tell myself as my hand slides, serpent-like, into my pocket for the collapsible baton. I may never win this war, but all that matters is that I fight...

Location: Denver
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1152457166