Where are the Brits/Expats?! - w4m - 24 (Denver - LoDo)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-09-11, 3:25PM MDT
Reply to: pers-q3paa-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org -------------------------------------------------------
Hello there. Expats are the holy grail. Seeking former UK resident who took up residency in CO for, well, all that Colorado offers. Am still reeling from England's depature from the WC and actually own a replica jersey if that gives you a sense a how committed. Looking forward to hearing from you and seeing where the limits lie. I am an anomaly. Email me and I will be more engaging without the limitations of privacy.
see ya!
•Location: Denver - LoDo
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1948942338
RE: Where are the Brits/Expats?!
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
show details 9:53 PM (3 minutes ago)
Good evening (or whatever time it is on your side of the world), and a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
My name is Nigel Templeton, and I am contacting you from the Republic of Korea, or as my mates around the Commission call it, The land that time forgot.
Egad, man, what a ghastly lot these Koreans are! But, perhaps further introductions are in order. As I said, my name is Nigel Templeton, current consul for for Her Majesty's Diplomatic Service, Incheon, Republic of Korea Office. After newly two years in this bastion of Confucian savagery I have, much to my delight, been given a posting in Denver, CO. Ah, to be among white men once more, and not just those petty sycophants at the Commission that hang on my sleeve begging for indulgences! It's a nasty compulsion of the British bourgeois class, I'm afraid, to intrigue and social-climb. Not that the natives are any better. One gets the feeling that, smile though they might, inwardly they view you with the same piteous contempt they would a pig groveling in the mud.
I wasn't always like this, mind you. Mary, my governess from home and closest childhood friend, said I was a brilliant and happy lad. I suppose it all changed when, fresh out of the academy, I was given my first posting in Ghana. It was two years of abject misery, of sleepless nights dreading the incessant tom-toms drumming in the wind, of mosquitoes and the runs and sun-burns, for the Englishman has neither the complexion for the black's sun nor his cuisine. If it weren't for the consul office's air-conditioner - the only thing able to maintain the white man's presence in Africa - and the occasional whore tucked discreetly into my expense account, I dare say I would have resigned from the service after the first monsoon. Christ, how the gutters stank with the overflowing offal of human refuse during the monsoons. And the dry season, let me assure you, was no better. No amount of baking by the pool, the sixth or seventh glass of gin trembling in my hand, could drown out the sheer surging mass of human odour and noise coming from the street beyond the gates. I mean, there was a corpse lying there, just lying in the street for three whole days before someone even bothered to remove it! How the fuck can these backwards grease-smeared savages hope to build a post-colonial society if even such rudimentary social services are ignored? I had hoped that colonization would have left its mark on them, would have imbued in them some spark of civility, but I know now that would be too much to ask of Africa. Africa, refuse-heap of the world! Africa, where one whiff of the foetid air sent Elizabeth, darling Elizabeth, fleeing back to Leeds, back to the arms of that fucking aristocratic cunt Simon! Simon, how I Ioathe you! How I despise your silly fucking affectations, your idle, simpering chatter! And how I hate you, Elizabeth, for choosing him over me and making me the gin-sodden, misanthropic man I am today. You wait and see, I'll rise through the ranks. I'll make ambassador one day, and soon I'll be serving up Simon's smug head on a platter, his Tudor father be damned!
But, I'm getting a new posting in America, so hopefully things will be better - starting with you. I'm sick of crying tears of impotent rage every night. Sick of the whorish expat widows pestering me for affection. Sick of dust-caked urchins loping at my heels for a discarded trinket. A fresh start, and it begins anew with you. Britannia Universalis!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
RE: I am a woman seeking a man with a truck
I am a woman seeking a man with a truck (50ish arapahoe and 95th street)
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Date: 2010-08-24, 3:50PM MDT
Reply to: pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org
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Hi!
I need something moved - it is only a few miles.
Wouldn't it be great if you helped me and there was chemistry??
or even a new friendship!
I will help pay for gas.
Please send a photo - thanks.
•Location: 50ish arapahoe and 95th street
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1917207015
RE: I am a woman seeking a man with a truck
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 12:07 AM (7 minutes ago)
Roger that, I get your meaning.
Lets skip all the fucking bullshit and get straight to the point. My name is Hank. Just Hank for now - if you're on the level, maybe later we can have that "relationship" you were talking about. For now, just ask around at the truck stops on I-20 and everyone will tell you that Hank is the type of guy you want a relationship with, the type of guy that always comes through and never tries any sketch bullshit. Ask anyone and they'll tell you that Hank's product is the best around, and I've moved product from here to South Florida, so transporting it a few miles won't be a problem.
I've got the truck you need, been cooking in it since the apartment I was renting burned down because my dumb-shit cousin didn't bleed the valves on the pressure cooker. Whatever, the truck's better anyways - everything cooked, prepped, and delivered in one place, and no nosy neighbors complaining about the ammonia smell. Got the "chemistry" you're looking for, too. And this ain't no backwoods fuckin' hillbilly chemistry, neither. I'm talking about 99% purity, cooked with lab-grade ingredients, not some trailer-trash cocktail made from the stuff under the sink.
You'll pay for gas? Hell, you'll pay for a lot more than that. I'm gonna need sufedrine, at least 200 packs, methyl alcohol, and sodium benzoate. I'm not running a charity here, so if you want a "relationship" with me, you gotta put in your own work. If everything goes smoothly, we can talk points off the percentage. But, maybe that's thinking too far ahead. For the time being, I just need to make sure I can trust you enough to do business.
You wanna find me, ask around.
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Date: 2010-08-24, 3:50PM MDT
Reply to: pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi!
I need something moved - it is only a few miles.
Wouldn't it be great if you helped me and there was chemistry??
or even a new friendship!
I will help pay for gas.
Please send a photo - thanks.
•Location: 50ish arapahoe and 95th street
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1917207015
RE: I am a woman seeking a man with a truck
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 12:07 AM (7 minutes ago)
Roger that, I get your meaning.
Lets skip all the fucking bullshit and get straight to the point. My name is Hank. Just Hank for now - if you're on the level, maybe later we can have that "relationship" you were talking about. For now, just ask around at the truck stops on I-20 and everyone will tell you that Hank is the type of guy you want a relationship with, the type of guy that always comes through and never tries any sketch bullshit. Ask anyone and they'll tell you that Hank's product is the best around, and I've moved product from here to South Florida, so transporting it a few miles won't be a problem.
I've got the truck you need, been cooking in it since the apartment I was renting burned down because my dumb-shit cousin didn't bleed the valves on the pressure cooker. Whatever, the truck's better anyways - everything cooked, prepped, and delivered in one place, and no nosy neighbors complaining about the ammonia smell. Got the "chemistry" you're looking for, too. And this ain't no backwoods fuckin' hillbilly chemistry, neither. I'm talking about 99% purity, cooked with lab-grade ingredients, not some trailer-trash cocktail made from the stuff under the sink.
You'll pay for gas? Hell, you'll pay for a lot more than that. I'm gonna need sufedrine, at least 200 packs, methyl alcohol, and sodium benzoate. I'm not running a charity here, so if you want a "relationship" with me, you gotta put in your own work. If everything goes smoothly, we can talk points off the percentage. But, maybe that's thinking too far ahead. For the time being, I just need to make sure I can trust you enough to do business.
You wanna find me, ask around.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
RE: $1 Alt Lifestyle(female)
$1 Alt Lifestyle(female) (Greensboro)
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Date: 2010-08-16, 5:57PM EDT
Reply to: hous-xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
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Location: corner of XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXX
Have you ever had fantisys of being part of a harem or a slave girl? Would you
like to be part of a social experiment? You will get 1 collar, 1 shared
bedroom(bunk bed, fully furnished), utilities(gas,elec,water,HS-cable,local phone)
and food; for $1/month + (cleaning or cooking). Room assignments may change every
4 months.
Spots available 1 cook, 1 maid, and 1 pet. Spots are 4 to 8 months only and pet
may not be the first role you take; pet is also optional. And since this kind of
thing can be taken the wrong way, a non disclosure contract will also be required.
Mon 6PM-10PM and Fri 6PM-7PM will be house dinner and house meetings, dinner prep
starts 5:15PM for cook, else 11:15pm curfew. Requires 5hrs/week dinners
and house meetings and 5hrs/week in assigned roleplay. No eating or drinking in
bedrooms. No overnight guests unless imediate family. No parties. no smoking
anywhere on property. And will require some reading to our small group. other duties
include your own laundry, and cleaning up after yourself in all common rooms.
This experiment is about roleplay, learning the minimum cleaning that a social worker would require from you if children were in the house, learning how to cook for a family of 6, and learning how to follow and give directions. This is also about presenting your goals to a group and as a group, being held accountable. This will be a documented experiment, if you wish to write a journal it can be turned in every 6 months at ($10per readable & full page) up to $500.
The trade is this: room and board for 10hrs/week your end. My end, I get two cooked meals per week, a clean house and quotes-jurnalistic ideas if you turn in a journal.
The downstairs has one male until Nov. then It will be all female. The upstairs is
occupied by one male who is responsible for yard and house maintance. And their are
dogs and a cat.
We presently have 1 of the 3 spots filled. IF anyone is interested in filling another spot. (336)294-XXXX for questions or to see the house. Ask for Marty, or leave name and #.
•Location: Greensboro
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1902450025
Some Tips From an Old-hand at Harems
|Colin Heintze to hous-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 8:26 PM (2 minutes ago)
Pardon my intrusion, but after reading your message I was seized with the desire to offer my most humble and well-intentioned advice. I should preface this with by saying that the purpose of this response is not to be condescending or in any way disrespectful of your harem-building ambitions, but only to give you, with your clear lack of experience in these matters, some pointers that will allow you to avoid the pitfalls that plague many journeyman harem-builders.
First of all, three women is not a harem. It's barely even a shisha den. Now, I know what you're thinking - "three girls will be easier to manage", but let me tell you that, when it comes to harems, bigger is always better. With only three girls locked inside the incense-laden, gilded chamber of your palace, all it it takes is two forming an alliance for some very nasty plots to emerge. First, a little flirtation with the captain of the guards. Then, maybe some secret messages smuggled out to foreign ambassadors. Next thing you know, you've got some harem girl trying to enthrone the son you begot on her. Then you have guards to torture, heads to put on pikes, and bastard-sons to have quietly murdered lest they ever emerge to challenge your rightful heirs. Really, it's depressing. Better to have at least a few dozen girls, so their vying for your attention will cause them to factionalize against each other. Like my father always said, building a harem is a science, not an art.
Also, having less girls in your harem than you do wives? Seems like it defeats the purpose... just saying.
Have you even thought about security? New harem-builders never do. For every three girls, you're going to need at least one eunuch, preferably a dark-skinned kafir (I'm not racist by the way, it's just good policy to have kafirs guard your harems since, in case they weren't properly snipped, you can always look at a newborn mulatto and tell who the father was). Sure, for a harem your size you'll probably go with some low-end eunuch, but let me tell you something - when you buy discount eunuchs, you get what you pay for. Does your eunuch know the correct amount of hashish to administer to a certain girl on a daily basis? Has your eunuch the resolve to separate two girls who, while you campaign against the Hungarians, have taken to committing lewd acts with each other? Most importantly, can your eunuch crush the skull of an intruder as easily as an egg? And don't even think of trying to get a eunuch outside the union. Do that, and you'll have a few hundred picketers in front of the palace gates shouting in that creepy falsetto of theirs. By the prophet, peace be upon his name, the paperwork turns into a real nightmare.
And really, encouraging your harem girls to read and write? Maybe next we could not execute apostates, or allow women to own property. This is a harem, man, so leave all those high-falutin' modern ideals to those swines in Venice.
But, I will not harangue you further, for if there is one thing I've learned about harems, it's that the only way to truly learn is by doing. So, take my advice or leave it, because when it comes to enslaving a large number of women to be exploited as sexual objects, there's only one rule: have fun!
Sincerely,
His Most Revered Excellency Great Osman, Scourge of the Infidels, and Sal Al-Addin
Sultan Yildirim Bayezid
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-16, 5:57PM EDT
Reply to: hous-xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: corner of XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXX
Have you ever had fantisys of being part of a harem or a slave girl? Would you
like to be part of a social experiment? You will get 1 collar, 1 shared
bedroom(bunk bed, fully furnished), utilities(gas,elec,water,HS-cable,local phone)
and food; for $1/month + (cleaning or cooking). Room assignments may change every
4 months.
Spots available 1 cook, 1 maid, and 1 pet. Spots are 4 to 8 months only and pet
may not be the first role you take; pet is also optional. And since this kind of
thing can be taken the wrong way, a non disclosure contract will also be required.
Mon 6PM-10PM and Fri 6PM-7PM will be house dinner and house meetings, dinner prep
starts 5:15PM for cook, else 11:15pm curfew. Requires 5hrs/week dinners
and house meetings and 5hrs/week in assigned roleplay. No eating or drinking in
bedrooms. No overnight guests unless imediate family. No parties. no smoking
anywhere on property. And will require some reading to our small group. other duties
include your own laundry, and cleaning up after yourself in all common rooms.
This experiment is about roleplay, learning the minimum cleaning that a social worker would require from you if children were in the house, learning how to cook for a family of 6, and learning how to follow and give directions. This is also about presenting your goals to a group and as a group, being held accountable. This will be a documented experiment, if you wish to write a journal it can be turned in every 6 months at ($10per readable & full page) up to $500.
The trade is this: room and board for 10hrs/week your end. My end, I get two cooked meals per week, a clean house and quotes-jurnalistic ideas if you turn in a journal.
The downstairs has one male until Nov. then It will be all female. The upstairs is
occupied by one male who is responsible for yard and house maintance. And their are
dogs and a cat.
We presently have 1 of the 3 spots filled. IF anyone is interested in filling another spot. (336)294-XXXX for questions or to see the house. Ask for Marty, or leave name and #.
•Location: Greensboro
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1902450025
Some Tips From an Old-hand at Harems
|Colin Heintze to hous-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 8:26 PM (2 minutes ago)
Pardon my intrusion, but after reading your message I was seized with the desire to offer my most humble and well-intentioned advice. I should preface this with by saying that the purpose of this response is not to be condescending or in any way disrespectful of your harem-building ambitions, but only to give you, with your clear lack of experience in these matters, some pointers that will allow you to avoid the pitfalls that plague many journeyman harem-builders.
First of all, three women is not a harem. It's barely even a shisha den. Now, I know what you're thinking - "three girls will be easier to manage", but let me tell you that, when it comes to harems, bigger is always better. With only three girls locked inside the incense-laden, gilded chamber of your palace, all it it takes is two forming an alliance for some very nasty plots to emerge. First, a little flirtation with the captain of the guards. Then, maybe some secret messages smuggled out to foreign ambassadors. Next thing you know, you've got some harem girl trying to enthrone the son you begot on her. Then you have guards to torture, heads to put on pikes, and bastard-sons to have quietly murdered lest they ever emerge to challenge your rightful heirs. Really, it's depressing. Better to have at least a few dozen girls, so their vying for your attention will cause them to factionalize against each other. Like my father always said, building a harem is a science, not an art.
Also, having less girls in your harem than you do wives? Seems like it defeats the purpose... just saying.
Have you even thought about security? New harem-builders never do. For every three girls, you're going to need at least one eunuch, preferably a dark-skinned kafir (I'm not racist by the way, it's just good policy to have kafirs guard your harems since, in case they weren't properly snipped, you can always look at a newborn mulatto and tell who the father was). Sure, for a harem your size you'll probably go with some low-end eunuch, but let me tell you something - when you buy discount eunuchs, you get what you pay for. Does your eunuch know the correct amount of hashish to administer to a certain girl on a daily basis? Has your eunuch the resolve to separate two girls who, while you campaign against the Hungarians, have taken to committing lewd acts with each other? Most importantly, can your eunuch crush the skull of an intruder as easily as an egg? And don't even think of trying to get a eunuch outside the union. Do that, and you'll have a few hundred picketers in front of the palace gates shouting in that creepy falsetto of theirs. By the prophet, peace be upon his name, the paperwork turns into a real nightmare.
And really, encouraging your harem girls to read and write? Maybe next we could not execute apostates, or allow women to own property. This is a harem, man, so leave all those high-falutin' modern ideals to those swines in Venice.
But, I will not harangue you further, for if there is one thing I've learned about harems, it's that the only way to truly learn is by doing. So, take my advice or leave it, because when it comes to enslaving a large number of women to be exploited as sexual objects, there's only one rule: have fun!
Sincerely,
His Most Revered Excellency Great Osman, Scourge of the Infidels, and Sal Al-Addin
Sultan Yildirim Bayezid
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Looking For a Cool Chick
Looking for a Cool Chick - 27 (Seoul)
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Date: 2010-08-03, 8:52PM KST
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Wassup ladies? I don't know about this internet shit, but I guess its time to branch out since I haven't met any cool girls here at all. I mean, the girls here are hot and everything, and I've always had this preference for Asian chicks since my step-dad showed me this super fucked-up Japanese porno, but they walk around like they all got a bug in their asses or something.
I'm here on this totally sweet teaching gig. It's the easiest bucks I ever made since that summer I dealt weed a camp. I had this great system where my brother would sneak it into my mom's care packages from home if I promised to let him look at my Hustlers when I came back. God, he was such a fucking retard. Anyways, that was a good summer. I got one of the counselors stoned and she let me go under the shirt. She was like 20 and I was just 16, which was the first, but trust me not last, time I ever felt tit (I'm not counting when I had to pull my cousin out of the bathtub that time she overdosed. Her tits weren't even that good, maybe a 6 at best). Mostly, I just play the kids episodes of the Simpsons and try to keep them from sticking their fingers in the electrical sockets, most of the time pretty successfully I might add. I got plenty of money too, and I can't even find a way to spend it. I mean, there's like no weed here at all, which frees up like half my budget right there, and every time I go to bars there's always some old dude who wants to practice his English buying me drinks. At first I thought there was something a little fruity about that, but those dudes usually pass out after the fifth beer so I don't gotta worry about them getting all gay with me.
But it's hard finding cool chicks here, man. I mean, there's plenty of Korean girls who want a little American steel (I'm talking about my penis), but they all want to go out to dinner and chat on the internet and hold hands in public and shit. Slamming some chick was a lot easier back home, when we'd just hang in the berm behind the YMCA and huff wood varnish till one of us blacked out. I woke up with no money plenty of times, but I also slammed some of the hottest chicks in town too, so it was an equal trade. Hell, with my tolerance to varnish I'd say it was more like 70-30 in my favor. The only chick that could regularly keep up with me was Kira Watson, but that wasn't no loss since everyone knew she got crabs from Jesse Miller anyways.
So I might be kinda a playboy but I figure this is no one's maiden voyage, if you know what I mean (I mean sex). The one time I slammed a virgin she kept calling and showing up at my house and acting all clingy and shit, so I definitely don't want that. I had to promise to meet her out in farm country, then leave her ass there without a ride home to finally get the message across. Last I heard, she killed herself, so I guess I dodged a bullet by getting rid of some crazy chick sooner rather than later.
That said, if you're not crazy, not a virgin, and totally down to party, let's hook up.
•Location: Seoul
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1877990202
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Date: 2010-08-03, 8:52PM KST
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Wassup ladies? I don't know about this internet shit, but I guess its time to branch out since I haven't met any cool girls here at all. I mean, the girls here are hot and everything, and I've always had this preference for Asian chicks since my step-dad showed me this super fucked-up Japanese porno, but they walk around like they all got a bug in their asses or something.
I'm here on this totally sweet teaching gig. It's the easiest bucks I ever made since that summer I dealt weed a camp. I had this great system where my brother would sneak it into my mom's care packages from home if I promised to let him look at my Hustlers when I came back. God, he was such a fucking retard. Anyways, that was a good summer. I got one of the counselors stoned and she let me go under the shirt. She was like 20 and I was just 16, which was the first, but trust me not last, time I ever felt tit (I'm not counting when I had to pull my cousin out of the bathtub that time she overdosed. Her tits weren't even that good, maybe a 6 at best). Mostly, I just play the kids episodes of the Simpsons and try to keep them from sticking their fingers in the electrical sockets, most of the time pretty successfully I might add. I got plenty of money too, and I can't even find a way to spend it. I mean, there's like no weed here at all, which frees up like half my budget right there, and every time I go to bars there's always some old dude who wants to practice his English buying me drinks. At first I thought there was something a little fruity about that, but those dudes usually pass out after the fifth beer so I don't gotta worry about them getting all gay with me.
But it's hard finding cool chicks here, man. I mean, there's plenty of Korean girls who want a little American steel (I'm talking about my penis), but they all want to go out to dinner and chat on the internet and hold hands in public and shit. Slamming some chick was a lot easier back home, when we'd just hang in the berm behind the YMCA and huff wood varnish till one of us blacked out. I woke up with no money plenty of times, but I also slammed some of the hottest chicks in town too, so it was an equal trade. Hell, with my tolerance to varnish I'd say it was more like 70-30 in my favor. The only chick that could regularly keep up with me was Kira Watson, but that wasn't no loss since everyone knew she got crabs from Jesse Miller anyways.
So I might be kinda a playboy but I figure this is no one's maiden voyage, if you know what I mean (I mean sex). The one time I slammed a virgin she kept calling and showing up at my house and acting all clingy and shit, so I definitely don't want that. I had to promise to meet her out in farm country, then leave her ass there without a ride home to finally get the message across. Last I heard, she killed herself, so I guess I dodged a bullet by getting rid of some crazy chick sooner rather than later.
That said, if you're not crazy, not a virgin, and totally down to party, let's hook up.
•Location: Seoul
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1877990202
Friday, July 16, 2010
RE: Bad Boy Gone Good OR Street Smart, Smart Ass, Survivor with Class
Bad Boy Gone Good OR Street Smart, Smart Ass, Survivor with Class - w4m - 19 (Denver)
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Date: 2010-07-14, 4:12PM MDT
Reply to: pers-XXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org
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I've got a master's degree from a good school, I've traveled extensively internationally, I'm bona fide and certified and I use correct grammar habitually. My Problem? The men I "should" be dating bore me to tears. My type seems to be the self-made, driven, still street-smart-but-have-moved-beyond-my-neighborhood-because-I-don't-need-the-hassle-anymore sort of man . . . The kind of man who could probably win in a bar fight every time even now but who chooses not to because he's over that shit.
Have you reached a certain age but nobody would guess (by that I mean probably 19's and 50's) how old you are? Do you have wisdom and youthfulness and sheer persistence? Are you somebody who was (is) always smart and quick and living on the edge but who has made his way into a more comfortable existence because you've just grown out of it (and no, I don't mean support me, I mean know which fucking fork to use in a nice restaurant and don't have a tattoo on your neck) and you want to live peacefully now?
E-mail me . . . I have accepted that you are my type and I am looking for someone who can love me ferociously while I love you back.
Location: Denver
PostingID: 1843301383
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXX. (2 minutes ago)
Anton Kimble Blackwater at your service!
I must admit, your challenge sang to me like a siren! I find myself drawn to your rocky shores, though like the hardy seamen of antiquity I can expect awaiting peril - that is what the Lapp medium read in the entrails during my last annual vision quest.
But enough of boring you with the minutia of my life! Allow me to introduce myself: I am Anton Kimble Blackwater, heir to the Blackwater Industrial, Antiquities, and Space Flight Research Concerns. I say with equal parts intrigue and sadness that I may - by Plutarch's beard! - be somewhat beneath your standards, though that you have such lofty requirements speaks to the uncompromising nature of undiluted blue-blooded aristocracy! That is why, though I stand before you humbled, I have chosen to return your overture with the fervor of a Kipchak boy singing his first courtship song outside the yurt of his beloved. For, you see, I too have known the sting of seeking romance among those who are beneath me. Perhaps my mother's blood peddles its influence on me - after all, she was but a simple Spanish wet nurse who, by way of her preternatural goodness, was able to win the heart of my father, the venerable rubber magnate and gentleman adventurer Henry Blackwater. It is this dilution of the Blackwater lineage which, I believe, has always given me a certain fondness for the lower classes. That, and my education in Berber caravans and Levantine opium dens gave me a certain worldliness few Blackwaters have had the benefit of.
But, how can I find love when I am continually presented with the ordinary and mundane? Of all my conquests, scarcely a dozen had ever lived among the savage tribes of Papua, ran a multi-billion-dollar business, or felt the smooth, downy comfort of a night's sleep neath' a snow-leopard pelt. Why should I settle for a lover who is merely fit for a Duke, when I deserve one fit for a Blackwater!
True to your requirements, I was quite rakish in my youth. Though I shun the obscenity of physical violence, I am quite capable of its execution. Half-brother Cecil - damn the rogue! - has seen to that. Not a month goes by in which he does not try to relieve me of our father's fortune, and many the fiendish Dayak and Hussite assassins have met their ends at my hands. My expertise in the martial sciences and esoteric magicks, however, has not lately been put on display. I am, as you hoped, no longer prone to engaging in bouts of combat. Since taking Man-servant Mandalay into my employ, foiling Cecil's attempts has become his area of providence. These days, I mostly amuse myself by administering the many charities in the Blackwater Trust and researching a dull assortment of quantum particles and metaphysical phenomenon.
Come, deliver me from this tedium! Let us share yarns of our ancestors in the Carolingian line; let us watch the moon rising over the canopy of the Orinco; let us match wits in frivolous, world-spanning contests (first to find the Jade Osprey wins!). I am waiting for you!
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Date: 2010-07-14, 4:12PM MDT
Reply to: pers-XXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org
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I've got a master's degree from a good school, I've traveled extensively internationally, I'm bona fide and certified and I use correct grammar habitually. My Problem? The men I "should" be dating bore me to tears. My type seems to be the self-made, driven, still street-smart-but-have-moved-beyond-my-neighborhood-because-I-don't-need-the-hassle-anymore sort of man . . . The kind of man who could probably win in a bar fight every time even now but who chooses not to because he's over that shit.
Have you reached a certain age but nobody would guess (by that I mean probably 19's and 50's) how old you are? Do you have wisdom and youthfulness and sheer persistence? Are you somebody who was (is) always smart and quick and living on the edge but who has made his way into a more comfortable existence because you've just grown out of it (and no, I don't mean support me, I mean know which fucking fork to use in a nice restaurant and don't have a tattoo on your neck) and you want to live peacefully now?
E-mail me . . . I have accepted that you are my type and I am looking for someone who can love me ferociously while I love you back.
Location: Denver
PostingID: 1843301383
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXX. (2 minutes ago)
Anton Kimble Blackwater at your service!
I must admit, your challenge sang to me like a siren! I find myself drawn to your rocky shores, though like the hardy seamen of antiquity I can expect awaiting peril - that is what the Lapp medium read in the entrails during my last annual vision quest.
But enough of boring you with the minutia of my life! Allow me to introduce myself: I am Anton Kimble Blackwater, heir to the Blackwater Industrial, Antiquities, and Space Flight Research Concerns. I say with equal parts intrigue and sadness that I may - by Plutarch's beard! - be somewhat beneath your standards, though that you have such lofty requirements speaks to the uncompromising nature of undiluted blue-blooded aristocracy! That is why, though I stand before you humbled, I have chosen to return your overture with the fervor of a Kipchak boy singing his first courtship song outside the yurt of his beloved. For, you see, I too have known the sting of seeking romance among those who are beneath me. Perhaps my mother's blood peddles its influence on me - after all, she was but a simple Spanish wet nurse who, by way of her preternatural goodness, was able to win the heart of my father, the venerable rubber magnate and gentleman adventurer Henry Blackwater. It is this dilution of the Blackwater lineage which, I believe, has always given me a certain fondness for the lower classes. That, and my education in Berber caravans and Levantine opium dens gave me a certain worldliness few Blackwaters have had the benefit of.
But, how can I find love when I am continually presented with the ordinary and mundane? Of all my conquests, scarcely a dozen had ever lived among the savage tribes of Papua, ran a multi-billion-dollar business, or felt the smooth, downy comfort of a night's sleep neath' a snow-leopard pelt. Why should I settle for a lover who is merely fit for a Duke, when I deserve one fit for a Blackwater!
True to your requirements, I was quite rakish in my youth. Though I shun the obscenity of physical violence, I am quite capable of its execution. Half-brother Cecil - damn the rogue! - has seen to that. Not a month goes by in which he does not try to relieve me of our father's fortune, and many the fiendish Dayak and Hussite assassins have met their ends at my hands. My expertise in the martial sciences and esoteric magicks, however, has not lately been put on display. I am, as you hoped, no longer prone to engaging in bouts of combat. Since taking Man-servant Mandalay into my employ, foiling Cecil's attempts has become his area of providence. These days, I mostly amuse myself by administering the many charities in the Blackwater Trust and researching a dull assortment of quantum particles and metaphysical phenomenon.
Come, deliver me from this tedium! Let us share yarns of our ancestors in the Carolingian line; let us watch the moon rising over the canopy of the Orinco; let us match wits in frivolous, world-spanning contests (first to find the Jade Osprey wins!). I am waiting for you!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
More Responses!
Amanda to pers-f9hr5-181.
12:44 PM (23 hours ago)
lol! wow lot's of extra time
Colin Heintze to Amanda
2:55 PM (21 hours ago)
I dare you to make less sense!
Amanda to me
3:41 PM (20 hours ago)
yes absolutely lots + of + extra + time = super confusing LOL ,,,you just keep maintenance of your little craigslist page on "hipsters" .
Colin Heintze to Amanda
5:10 PM (19 hours ago)
Sorry, when you said "lot's" of extra time I thought the extra time belonged to lot, and the only lot I could think of was the Lot from Sodom and Gomorrah, which naturally made me think about sodomy, which made me count backwards from ten until the urges were gone just like the court-appointed psychologist taught me. Still, I have no idea what you are talking about... what is the subject of "lot's of extra time?" Me? The post? Lot from The Bible? Maybe he had extra time because his wife was turned into a pillar of salt and wasn't always all "Lot, I want more slaves." or "Lot, buy me that ionic air purifier from the Sharper Image." (I haven't actually read the Bible). Help me out here?
Amanda to me
9:11 PM (15 hours ago)
this should help
http://lewovale.t35.com/
Colin Heintze to Amanda
12:26 PM (16 minutes ago)
And here's a website you might find useful:
http://suicidehotlines.com/
12:44 PM (23 hours ago)
lol! wow lot's of extra time
Colin Heintze to Amanda
2:55 PM (21 hours ago)
I dare you to make less sense!
Amanda to me
3:41 PM (20 hours ago)
yes absolutely lots + of + extra + time = super confusing LOL ,,,you just keep maintenance of your little craigslist page on "hipsters" .
Colin Heintze to Amanda
5:10 PM (19 hours ago)
Sorry, when you said "lot's" of extra time I thought the extra time belonged to lot, and the only lot I could think of was the Lot from Sodom and Gomorrah, which naturally made me think about sodomy, which made me count backwards from ten until the urges were gone just like the court-appointed psychologist taught me. Still, I have no idea what you are talking about... what is the subject of "lot's of extra time?" Me? The post? Lot from The Bible? Maybe he had extra time because his wife was turned into a pillar of salt and wasn't always all "Lot, I want more slaves." or "Lot, buy me that ionic air purifier from the Sharper Image." (I haven't actually read the Bible). Help me out here?
Amanda to me
9:11 PM (15 hours ago)
this should help
http://lewovale.t35.com/
Colin Heintze to Amanda
12:26 PM (16 minutes ago)
And here's a website you might find useful:
http://suicidehotlines.com/
Response!
XXXXXXXXXXXX to pers-f9hr5-181.
show details 3:08 AM (16 hours ago)
Hi My name is XXXXXXXXX. Or you can call me XXXXXX.
I just read you post and..What's wrong with the word "hipster"?! ;$ They are
cute and hot. and well I don't know, I think I am kinda the type of girl?
I am Korean..but I love Zooey Deschanel girl. !!
I am 24yo, university graduated, fun, down to earth, easy going, into art, fashion,
books(...my major was library science, because I love books Or I loved..well yeah
I am more into the fashion megazines), taking pictures, watching movies, going
to bars or live clubs, chat over tea, drinking at the parks, also love rock/blues and even some electronic.
I was in Vancouver, Toronto, Motreal in Canada for almost 2 years. I worked,
traveled and took some courses there. I came back to Korea in Feb.
Now I am looking for a guy to hang out with. and I think you are cool. So Let me
know If you want to know more about me, I hope to hear from you soon!
Colin Heintze to XXXXXXXXXXXX
show details 6:12 AM (13 hours ago)
Awesome. You lived in Canada? Canada is so much better than the war-mongering and materialistic United States. America just has no culture - it's all about MTV and Walmart and Starbucks on every corner, not like Canada which has... well, I'm sure Canada has something going on. Other countries are really cultural, and I hope to someday visit them so that I may begin sentences with "When I was in Italy...", or that I may unfavorably compare our public transportation to that in France.
So yeah, let's hang out. Now, I should tell you I'm going to show up at least a half-hour late, since I usually don't wake up before 2pm and, after that, it takes several hours to style my hair to achieve the look of being unkempt and uncared-for. When we finally meet and sit down together you will be treated with a fusillade of criticisms concerning the "bourgeois" decor, terrible imported beer selection, and music of whatever venue we have our little rendezvous. I will then proceed to talk about myself in what less credulous minds would most likely perceive as a never-ending stream of verbal excrement, including unsubstantiated claims to have met celebrities, pretenses of creativity, and affected indifference to your interests and opinions. When, at last, I run out of self-aggrandizing gas, I will take the time to disapprove of everything you like, thus giving you a subconscious desire to appease me by reciprocating my increasingly aggressive sexual rhetoric.
If everything goes well, by the end of the night you might see my tats. No, not the ones on my arms you can see due to my insistence on never wearing a shirt with sleeves, but the OTHER ones (if you know what I mean). I have one that says "truth" in Japanese, a Celtic cross, and one of Jermaine from Flight of the Concords I got one night when me and homeboy Bradley were spaced on DMT.
show details 3:08 AM (16 hours ago)
Hi My name is XXXXXXXXX. Or you can call me XXXXXX.
I just read you post and..What's wrong with the word "hipster"?! ;$ They are
cute and hot. and well I don't know, I think I am kinda the type of girl?
I am Korean..but I love Zooey Deschanel girl. !!
I am 24yo, university graduated, fun, down to earth, easy going, into art, fashion,
books(...my major was library science, because I love books Or I loved..well yeah
I am more into the fashion megazines), taking pictures, watching movies, going
to bars or live clubs, chat over tea, drinking at the parks, also love rock/blues and even some electronic.
I was in Vancouver, Toronto, Motreal in Canada for almost 2 years. I worked,
traveled and took some courses there. I came back to Korea in Feb.
Now I am looking for a guy to hang out with. and I think you are cool. So Let me
know If you want to know more about me, I hope to hear from you soon!
Colin Heintze to XXXXXXXXXXXX
show details 6:12 AM (13 hours ago)
Awesome. You lived in Canada? Canada is so much better than the war-mongering and materialistic United States. America just has no culture - it's all about MTV and Walmart and Starbucks on every corner, not like Canada which has... well, I'm sure Canada has something going on. Other countries are really cultural, and I hope to someday visit them so that I may begin sentences with "When I was in Italy...", or that I may unfavorably compare our public transportation to that in France.
So yeah, let's hang out. Now, I should tell you I'm going to show up at least a half-hour late, since I usually don't wake up before 2pm and, after that, it takes several hours to style my hair to achieve the look of being unkempt and uncared-for. When we finally meet and sit down together you will be treated with a fusillade of criticisms concerning the "bourgeois" decor, terrible imported beer selection, and music of whatever venue we have our little rendezvous. I will then proceed to talk about myself in what less credulous minds would most likely perceive as a never-ending stream of verbal excrement, including unsubstantiated claims to have met celebrities, pretenses of creativity, and affected indifference to your interests and opinions. When, at last, I run out of self-aggrandizing gas, I will take the time to disapprove of everything you like, thus giving you a subconscious desire to appease me by reciprocating my increasingly aggressive sexual rhetoric.
If everything goes well, by the end of the night you might see my tats. No, not the ones on my arms you can see due to my insistence on never wearing a shirt with sleeves, but the OTHER ones (if you know what I mean). I have one that says "truth" in Japanese, a Celtic cross, and one of Jermaine from Flight of the Concords I got one night when me and homeboy Bradley were spaced on DMT.
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