Monday, April 20, 2009

RE: I'm looking for the Adam I took my rib from. Is it you?

I'm looking for the Adam I took my rib from. Is it you? - 23 (Denver metro)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-19, 8:28PM MDT

Hey! Thanks for checking out my ad.

First time I've ever done this, and I must admit I feel a little dumb. :-)

A bit about me, perhaps is always a good thing to start with. I am 23 years young and have recently moved to Colorado to continue my college career and am majoring in music-- vocal performance. I love to sing, play the guitar (acoustic), djembe (African hand drum), and am learning piano. I have been singing for about 20 years now and can't seem to get sick of it. I am delving into the idea of becoming a professional undergraduate student (5 years strong with 2.5 to go), or perhaps I can see if my school offers it as a minor. :-) I was ignoring the calling God had placed in my life for music, so I pursued just about anything else for most of my career until recently. I'm a girl with a sense of humor which I know seems to be a rare find these days, so it looks like I'm a catch! Haha Anyway, usually I look through personal ads on craigslist for sheer entertainment purposes because I can't believe the things people legitimately say about themselves in order to become more attractive. Good times! So, in response to the greatness of personal ads on craigslist, oddly enough, I am posting one of my own. How rich!

It is probably about time for a little more information about myself. I was raised in a Christian home, and have a personal relationship with Jesus. Don't be fooled, however, I am not a bible-thumper. I have never been married and have no children of my own, except for the little Colombian girl I'm supporting through Compassion International. I do not smoke, unless you count the occasional turkey or brisket-- which really I don't smoke, just enjoy the flavor of. I do like an occasional amaretto sour or even a cold Guiness to de-junk my week or even month. I enjoy being outside and participating in activities such as hiking, snowboarding (when time permits), camping, fishing, etc. with my friends. I also enjoy getting dressed up and going downtown to just check out the arts or soak up the culture (concerts, art museum, or a walk down the 16th street mall). I enjoy watching sports (baseball, basketball mainly, but really anything) and an occasional pick up game. Look forward to going to INVESCO Field sometime in the near future.

I have worked at a Christian special needs camp for the last 5 years now and will be volunteering there again this summer for a week. It captured my heart since the very beginning. I currently work as a server, a.k.a. entertaining the hungry. I am awesome, yet totally humble! Truth. I enjoy watching movies and reading a book outside of classwork, from time to time. Well, I've blabbed enough about myself and I enjoy leaving a little mystery for you. I will gladly exchange a picture for a picture, as I am leery of posting mine for all of the internet to see.

Hope you have a great day and look forward to hearing from you! Also, please do not send me any spam, or offers for websites or anything that does not respect yourself or myself. Also, if you can place your answer to the origin of the following quote in the subject line so I know you're not a robot, that would be awesome!!

"Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die, follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong." If you know the answer, then you know one of my favorite movies! :-) Good luck!!

Location: Denver metro
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1130527562

I Think We Have a Lot in Common...

Colin Heintze to pers-wadme-113.
show details 8:08 PM (4 minutes ago)

Good evening! I saw your post and really liked what you have to say. I've devoted my life to charitable causes, and am happy to find a woman who has the same proactive attitude about bettering mankind and spreading the word of the lord. In my life, I have participated with a variety of charitable activities, including working with retarded Christian babies and baptizing lowland gorillas (when they stay still, LOL). My most recent, and harrowing, was the thirteen months of missionary work I did in South America, in the jungle primeval (referred to by nearby settled meztizo populations as "the green inferno") near the Peru/Brazil border. Rather than explain in a lengthy dissertation, I'll allow some of my journal entries to speak for themselves:

Day 4: Sighted our first sign of habitation - the head of a tapir impaled upon a pole. It appears to be wreathed in all manner of talismans and charms. Pagan superstition, I'm sure. Our guide informs us this sign marks the beginning of Oawito territory. I look forward to pushing farther into the interior. I have every expectation they will welcome us as friends and accept Christ into their hearts.

Day 6: Still no sight of the Oawito. Today, we came across a campsite that, judging by the embers in the fire-pit, must have been abandoned only a few hours before. They seem to be avoiding us, but I won't let that deter us, not when there's still the Lord's work to be done!

Day 9: Still no contact. Have several infected sores caused by insect bites. My feet feel absolutely rubbery, and my socks are rotted. Lucille says she feels cold. How can that be, when the rest of us are baking in this heat?

Day: 10: Lucille is dead. Turns out she had malaria. She would have been fine like the rest of us, except her particular church doesn't believe in vaccinations. Reverend Fowler gave her the most beautiful ceremony.

Day 11: Contact! We stumbled upon an Oawito fishing village. They seem like very peaceful people; there isn't a weapon of any kind in sight. They should be easy to persuade - after all, what are pagans other than human beings waiting to be perfected? Strangely, there seems to be only old people and children in this village. I'll investigate further, once I can contain my excitement.

Day 13: Handed out bibles today. The Oawito attempted to eat them. I find these people... odd. Though they do not seem to fear us, they pay little notice of us. I have heard that tribes in these areas have strict taboos concerning outsiders. This means I will have to try twice as hard to win their confidence.

Day 15: Some Jesuits showed up at the village. We shook our fists at them and they left, sulking, on to another village to spread their heretical dogma. You should have seen the looks on those jerks' faces.

Day 16: The Oawito became visibly upset when Reverend Fowler toppled the totem in the village square to erect the new church. In a patois of sign language and pidgin Spanish, I attempted to explain to them that we respect their religious beliefs - that every religion can be a pathway to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior. Sadly, I don't think they understood.

Day 18: I think Fowler has gone mad with power. He whipped a native woman who was going topless and forced her to cover herself. Though I'm glad he taught them shame, I cannot help but wonder if we're going about this the wrong way.

Day 24: Oh my God. It's everywhere... the blood... I can't, I can't... close my eyes without seeing what they did to Jason. Turns out this village did have plenty of weapons, and plenty of young men. They were all in the forest, hunting us. Fowler wants the remaining team to make a break for it, though with our guide shot in the neck with a blow-gun, can we find our way? I still trust in Christ to guide us.

Day 25: I no longer believe in God, or anything else for that matter. How could an all-wise, benevolent entity create such horror and misery? They caught us a few miles downriver. I've spent the last day in a wooden cage submerged to my waist in swamp water. I don't know what has been done with the others, but I hear horrible cries in the night...

Day 39: Still in the cage. Growing thinner. I only get one little bowl of meat a day. I have scarcely the energy to shoo the flies from my face or pull the leeches off my body. I pray God will allow me to die.

Day 47: Haven't eaten for days, not since I found out they've been feeding me Fowler. Please God, let me die quickly.

Day 55: Great news! I'm currently flying to Lima in a government helicopter! Turns out, the army finally located the Oawito villages and has fully resumed its ethnic cleansing campaign! You should have seen the way they ran from the machine-guns and mortar shells! God bless us all! I'm so happy to be amongst civilized men once more!

Day 58: Bad news. Since we entered the country illegally, I'm being held in detention until the U.S. Embassy can negotiate release. I'm being held without charges or access to an attorney. It seems Peru doesn't guarantee those kinds of constitutional rights...

So, if you're interested in a guy with a proven track record of participating in Christian causes, just give me a shout!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Looking For a Chick that Understands Ultimate Brutality

Looking For a Chick that Understands Ultimate Brutality - 25 (Denver)
Reply to: Date: 2009-04-12, 2:08PM MDT

Hey, what's up. Let me be the first to say that this internet dating stuff is for total poseurs, but I'm only gonna be in the country for a few more months so I might as well give it a shot.

My name's Skaldi Laarkvest and I'm in the black metal band Engage, Enslave, Exterminate. Here's what I'm looking for in a chick while we tour this shithole country:

- first, I need a chick who thinks I'm not goth. Let me explain right now: goths are faggy teenagers who read Lord Byron and hang out in front of the Orange Julius. Though I may paint my face and wear spiked arm-bands, I AM NOT GOTH! I'm simply your average Scandinavian nihilist who wants to play some Satanic shreds.

- that said, don't front as a metal fan and tell me you like bands like Soilwork or Cradle of Filth. That commercial shit is made for fat American teenagers whose penises don't work. Real metal is produced in basements on hand-held recorders and is made only for the glory of the fuckin' Aesir.

- most of all, you should get ultimate brutality. You should have a fondness of that perfect moment when hate, angst, frustration, and disappointment meet in one face-melting track that makes everyone listening throw up their hands and say "what the fuck is worth living for?".

So, if that's you, get back to me. We're playing a show next week with Debauched Bishop, Hammerslain, and Eisefurtenpaarastmagoral, and I could really use you helping out backstage when we herd the goats onstage for the third set.

* Location: Denver
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests