Monday, November 30, 2009

RE: Smart, Cool, Funny, Stylish, Sophisticated NYer 4 You!!!!!

Smart, Cool, Funny, Stylish, Sophisticated NYer 4 You !!!!! - 31 (NOT SEOUL --BUSAN )

Date: 2009-11-30, 7:46PM KT

I just turned 31, and I have gotten a lot of replies to my last ad. I feel like it is a really possible that someone good could come from this website. All of the replies I've gotten are from women not in Busan. So that's the only catch. Let me make it crystal clear that I will not travel outside Busan and I'm really not interested in traveling far within Busan too. SO if YOU want to travel to me, I'm cool with that, but not for some one day a week type of thing, that's not a real relationship.

In America, craigslist is for psychos but maybe in Korea......maybe there's a chance at quality love here.

A personal ad is no place for modesty, so don't expect to find any of that below:

I came to Korea for Love & Money. I have the money, and a great apartment with panoramic views of the ideal I just need a great quality lover. I am a professional chef, I can cook Mexican, Indian, Thai, Italian, American, Korean, Chinese...really anything...and better than a restaurant. So each night I eat amazing food, alone. I keep my house clean.

I expect a professional, intelligent, MATURE, funny, beautiful, thin, stylish, sexy, cool young woman. This is what I deserve and this is what I demand. Someone like me, knows themselves very well. I know exactly what I like and what I need. I know exactly how to love and how to be generous and supportive and romantic. I make a great lover. I won't settle for mediocrity and I won't settle for bad company. Life is too short. No company is always better than bad company or even enduring the mundane.

I was a professional artist for quite a few years in NY. I lived in NY my whole life and in Korea for about a year and a half now.

I'm a Scorpio, with Scorpio rising as well....... I'm deep......sensual.....passionate..... and also funny.

I'm ready, if you dare.

Colin Heintze

to pers-7utp8-148.
show details 6:23 AM (17 hours ago)

Hey there, I’m a Boston girl, and I want to say YANKEES SUCK!

Really, you’re from New York? New York is whacked. I got an uncle from New York and he’s mad queer, was always touchin on my younga brother, askin us if we wanted to go get frappes an tonics down in Scollay Square. Wicked stupid, right? You remind me of him. I bet you’re queer for Jeter.

All I hear is blah blah blah “fine cooking” blah blah blah “art”. If you want real cooking get your New York ass down to Eastie an’ get yourself some scrod. You want real art, you should watch the fuckin Sox, or the Patsies, or the Seltz. All our teams fuckin rule your retarded New York teams. I know the Yankees got lucky this year, but next year Ortiz is gonna have a healthy knee and he’ll go yard all over you New York queers.


RE: Unboring Hangout Friends First

Unboring Hangout Friends First (Seoul)

Date: 2009-11-30, 12:36PM KT

Be attractive. Know how to dress with a sense of style- no need to wear Helmut Lang if you know what I mean. But if you do possess one of his write me. Be located in Seoul, preferably above the river. The season's arrived. Be comfortable with hanging out at upscale places now and then. I am cute and petite, so don't be fat. Don't be smaller than 5'9 or taller than 6'1 either.

Have a style and don't say you enjoy going to the museums here. Good command of written language. Extremely well-educated guys whose intellects also allow them poignantly aware that being smart doesn't necessarily get them very far, and many times left feeling empty, baffled and dumb. Old-fashioned decency, manners and compassion- a huge plus point.

I am not interested in what you do as much as how you look. When you reply please send me a pic along with your answers on the essential requirements.

  • Location: Seoul
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I Am A Man of no Modest Aplomb

Anton Kimble Blackwater, at your service! I am writing in response to your personal ad to express my relief at finally finding a lady of refinement who has not been already betrothed!

Who am I, you ask? I have so many epitaphs: the Jali tribe of Papua-New Guinea calls me korno baba, meaning “white poet-king” in their moribund tongue; the tabloids call me “The Godfather of Gauche”, referring to my extensive wardrobe and sundry collection of priceless adornments; and the Zurich chapter of the Bilderberg Group calls me its most important member! (that last one was written by man-servant Mandalay who, against my wishes, is attempting to pursue a career in comedy) You, however, can simply call me Anton: tomb-hunter, gamesman, adventurer, and gentleman explorer.

There is one aspect of your posting that raises some alarm, however – your inferred appreciation of Helmut Lang. The whole affair sounds so… noveau riche. Are you simply sowing your oats with the lower classes as I once did as a disaffected youth in the bazaars and opium-parlors of Marrakesh? For, you see, I would never be associated with such rubbish. My suits are made only by the skilled hands of a 119-year-old Genoese friar, and only from the most supple fur of the yellow panda.

What’s that? You say there is no such thing as a yellow panda? Bah! You are only displaying your own ignorance! Clearly you have never studied cryptozoology or attended Thelemic occult rituals in the ossuary of a Hungarian castle. Remove yourself from my sight, you common urchin, lest I command man-servant Mandalay to do it for you!

I’m sorry I was uncourtly there for a moment. I am simply so… on edge. You see, lately my half-brother Cecil - damn him for the illegitimate half-Creole he is! – has been increasing his attempts to purloin me of our father’s inheritance. I can sense him every night, hovering in his dirigible just outside my bedchamber window, pulling on his moustache as he conjures diabolical plots.

My time may be short. Reply to me… make haste! I can hear the ivory tip of Cecil’s cane tapping along the marble floors of Blackwater Manor as we speak!

to me
show details 6:13 AM (17 hours ago)


So you are basically what.. a prince or something? Don't you think you play video games too much?

I am willing to be acquainted with a deliciously delusional person, so let me know where your highness resides and how he looks like in layman's terms and modern tools.

I am Korean, not as feisty as my post might sound. Though I am not going to take my superficiality label back, so suit yourself.

Colin Heintze

show details 6:58 AM (17 hours ago)

A prince? My, my, no dear lady - any title of "prince" I may possess is simply honorary, such as has been bestowed upon me by the Raj of Hindu Kush and Sultan of Songhai.

No, I am just a common man. My father was a wealthy New England rubber magnate and my mother a Spanish wet nurse. Like most children, I spent my childhood between society galas in the New World and caravan crossings in French Algeria.

I must say, I have mixed feelings about your ethnic... dilemma. You see, as the scion and sole remaining heir of the Blackwater estate it is expected of me that I marry among my own kind, the blue-blooded families of New England. That isn't just an expression, by the way: open my veins and you'll see my blood is indeed blue, a sign of true breeding! My father, however, broke from this tradition when he married my mother, in secret, one thundering night on the Spanish Isle of San Cristobal. So, while I am loathe to further dilute my bloodline, I do have my father's legacy to live up to.

You want to know my physiognomy, you say? Well, I have a broad, strong chest due to countless hours of Tropian Island honor-grappling, lean, muscular legs from sundry excursions up ice-clothed peaks, and a chiseled, jutting jaw - a hallmark, if you care to see the Blackwater family portraits, of my distinguished lineage.

Shallow? You believe I think you shallow? Nothing could be further from the truth! As my childhood tutor, Hanno of Alexandria, once instructed me, beauty brings us closer to god (in his case, the Hellenic god Aesclepius, that serpent-bodied trickster my master revered with such fervor!). I assume a woman who appreciates beauty, or as you put it, "only cares about how you look", has a rich and fulfilling intellectual life. I myself can have quite the critical eye - why, just the other day I was entertaining the Baroness of Saxony and noticed a patch of dry skin beneath her left ear, no doubt the product of her ancestor's dalliances with those dubious Hapsburgs!

Looking For Love

Looking For Love - 26 (Seoul)

So, It's been awhile since my last break-up and, on the advice of my therapist, I should "put myself out there". I guess that's what $40 an hour gets me - nothing a few reruns of Dr. Phil couldn't tell me.

Anyways, I really want love, though I'm really not sure how to go about getting it. I recently got out of a long relationship and I suppose you can say it left me a little bitter. Or, if you are my therapist you DO say that, and I just nod my head like a cirus seal... anything to keep the pills coming.

I guess I don't have a very high opinion of love. It just seems so overrated. I mean sure, all the cuddling and sex and affection is nice while it lasts, which it won't, because I don't deserve to be happy and even if I did, someone or something always sabotages it - whether it's the girl with the low tank top I looked at FOR LIKE HALF A SECOND or game seven of the NBA Finals just happening to fall on our anniversary. I've learned that love usually involves a lot of crying and throwing away your future to move to Columbus to raise some kid that isn't even yours that she got during the two months you were broken up and she went to go "find herself" in Spain even though you had to stay behind to make the rent since you had a year-long lease on the apartment and both of you were too stubborn to move out then she comes back and wants to go into couple's therapy but your insurance doesn't cover it so does she get a job? Nooooooooooooo, of course not, because you're nothing but a doormat with a cash-withdrawl button. Fucking bitch. What were we talking about?

Location: Seoul
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1487697243

Epic Date Fail Has Returned!

For all you fans out there, Epic Date fail is back online after a long hiatus. I apologize for the delay, but I have been so busy doing interesting/sexy/heroic things I haven't had the time to work on this... monstrosity. So, take the guns out of your mouths and take the toasters off the ledges of your bathtubs, because we're back. I can't promise the same output as months past, but I will try to keep you, my loyal fan(s?) in failure. Also, if you want to keep me productive, then become a follower, or leave comments. Is that a threat? Yes, yes is it. Do those things or I will come to your house and cudgel you with a sock full of nickles.

- The Omega Man