Thursday, October 14, 2010

RE: I would really like to know....

I would really like to know.... - w4m - 24 (Denver)

Where single men hang out. Online dating can be difficult and full of angst. If a woman wanted to meet a "real" man out in the world, what would she do? The relationship pundits tell women to "go where the men are." Where the heck IS that anyway? I have tried going where I think you might be and what I might say.

* Home Depot: "What exactly is a ballpeen?"
* Grocery Store: "Do these melons look ripe to you?" (okay, okay, that was questionable)
* Neighborhood Sports Bar: "What inning is it?"
* Liquor Store: "Is single malt worth the price?"
* Art Museum: "How bout those impressionists?"
* Natural History Museum: "Do you think there really is a missing link?"
* Sushi Bar: "Do you prefer Hamachi or Ebi?"
* Pro Bass Shop: "Why do they call them anglers?"

There are a lot of women just like me who are 24-60, attractive, intelligent, humorous, loyal, loving, interesting, engaging, fun to be with and would make a great partner. How can we approach you, or even give a smile of encouragement if we don't know where you are?

C'mon guys, work with us here. Give a hint as to where you can be found. I bet lots of women here would appreciate you posting that information.

Location: Denver
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1993669862

RE: I would really like to know....

Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
show details 12:10 AM (4 minutes ago)

You want to know where you can find unattached men with all the qualities women find attractive? Look no further than the correctional system.

Before you get all bent out of shape let me lay some truth on you. Physically fit? You'll find the hottest hunks are the guys in the orange jumpsuits. I've seen dudes come in as scrawny runts and coming out looking like juiced-up pitbulls. Sure, you may have to have to look the other way when it comes to thousand-yard stares and prison ink detailing a long criminal history in a tapestry of complex symbolism, but can you really tell me you'll find hunkier guys at the library? Artistic? Shit, us guys don't have much else to do other than arts and crafts. I personally have made shanks out of items as innocuous as lengths of wire and toothbrush handles. My celly paints the most beautiful murals you'll ever see. Of course they're mostly about arson, but you wouldn't believe what a con hardened by the system can do with just a little kool-aid powder and syrup from a cup of fruit cocktail. Sensual? Hell, some of the guys in here like to bump so much that they've never taken "no" for an answer!

But all of that is small potatoes compared to the best thing about dating within the correctional system: loyalty. I mean, it's not like any of us guys are going to be cheating on you anytime soon. Not unless there's some new fish whose been running his mouth off and needs to be taught how things work in here. Other than that, you are practically guaranteed total fidelity from your guy. Doesn't even matter what you look like. Since most of us fellas only see a woman every three years or so when our parole hearing comes up, we ain't exactly picky.

Now, I know you're wondering just how this little arrangement can work. After all, it's not like you can just show up at the gate and ask to take one of the guys out for dinner! Well, you have several options. First - just let me get the obvious out of the way - there's conjugal visits. However, if making a life-long commitment to someone who has shown a pathological lack of empathy and need to manipulate others isn't really your cup of tea, you have other options. Are you a licensed psychiatrist, RN, or MD? If so, it's possible you could get the man of your dreams for fifteen unsupervised minutes at least twice a week. Plus, you'll be able to write prescriptions, which means you'll practically have your pick of the litter. Just this second I know a ton of guys who need to come up with several dozen doses of Oxycontin to keep the Aryan Nation off their backs.

Don't waste your time with little sissies who don't know how to appreciate a good woman. You want guys, you know where to find them. For only the willingness to smuggle in heroin inside your body, you could find the man you'll spend the next twenty-five years to life with!

Jake "Cutter" Butler
Canyon City Correctional Institution