Sunday, March 28, 2010

RE: Native/Hispanic Warrior wanted

BBW-Native/Hispanic Warrior wanted - 50 (Denver)

Are you the MAN, the WARRIOR I’ve been looking for? Are you a SINGLE - Native or Hispanic man, 48-58 yrs old ?

Tired of being alone and long to have a GOOD WOMAN by your side? Looking for someone to enjoy and share what life has to offer? Are you searching for a woman you can spend time with and perhaps be in that lasting beautiful relationship with? Are you honest, kind, gentle and past all the head/heart games, date only one woman at a time? Please be D/D free, a non-smoker and non-drinker, I am.

If you think you may be the MAN, the WARRIOR, I've been looking for, take a chance and respond, you just never know...

Reply with “I AM A WARRIOR” in the subject line and maybe a pic so I know you are real. This is not a porn site, NO SPAMMERS, BOTS OR REFERRALS TO WEB SITES.

Location: Denver
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1663026427

Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXX

Look no further, for I am he that you seek.

You desire a warrior, and let me assure you my many brave deeds on the field of battle have been recorded on both the codices of the huichilibos and the lips of my enemies. It is because of these deeds - the taking of ten enemy heads, and the capture of fifteen strong-bodied males for sacrifice - that in this year five-reed I have been welcomed into the ranks of the Jaguars, the royal cohorts of his most exalted son-of-the-sun and living god Axayacatl. My war-club has tasted the scalps of Tlaxicalans and Palenquens alike, and by my actions dozens have been marched to the altar to have their blood fed to Tlaltecuhtli. And, I say with no reserved pride that, because of these actions by myself and my brother-warriors her belly is filled to the point that she regurgitates the sun every morning. It is from this act of divine violence that the earth may be warmed and the maize grow to fill our larders and feed our people.

I must be honest, however - I do play head games. I was, before my induction into the Jaguars, a forward lineman in the sacred sport of ullamaliztli. As you undoubtedly know, we typically use the head of a captured enemy as our ball, and as a result I cannot say with truthfulness that I never scored a winning goal using the severed head of a Chimpoloazan warrior. Heart games, however, I rarely play - those are reserved only for the priestly classes of which I am not a member.

But, there is a time when even great slayers must put down the club and pick up the plough. For that, I need a woman - a strong-hipped, hearty woman, one who is clever and useful and will not weave vile sorceries. A woman who, upon my death, will throw herself into the sacrifice-fires to guide me down the four-year path to Mictlan. A woman who will bear me sons that sing of their ancestors as I do today. Are you her?

Friday, March 26, 2010

RE: The most absurd post ever on CL just got absurd-er

The most absurd post ever on CL just got absurd-er - 29 (Seoul)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-03-26, 5:00PM KST

Reply To This Post

Woman, without her man, is nothing.
Woman: Without her, man is nothing.

Right. So I am no Lynne Truss or Germaine Greer. I am just a busy career woman with little time to invest in a proper relationship. Oh wait, I’d definitely go the extra mile and extra hour raised to the power n for the right person; but that’s beside the point. The point here is that I just don’t want to sit with you in a coffee shop exchanging platitudes, all the while aware that both of us are busy determining the expiration time of that ill-fated meet. I’d much rather read The Da Vinci Code. Backwards.

What I want is just this: Let’s spend a day together believing (read: pretending) we are in a real relationship. I don’t want to see you again after that day, and you’d probably be running a hundred miles away from me even before I say good-bye to you. Easy-peesy! All I ask for is a *real* touch, kiss and hug. Okay, make all those plural nouns; but nothing beyond that. Sounds good?

And this is where this absurd idea turns into a ‘Is-she-for-real?’ thought bubble circling over your head -- I don’t have any sky-high requirements of you. I am not looking for someone hanging from the branches of Einstein’s family tree. Just be a good person, speak good English and be smart. And yes, a non-Korean between the ages of 30 and 35 please.

PS1. If you manage to stop guffawing/snickering at the absurdity of this idea, and do decide to write to me, tell me why this appeals to you in more than a sentence. In fact, feel free to write an essay.

2. Don’t send me any pictures. If you are attachment-obsessed, send me your 100+ page document detailing a sustainable development plan in the field of your choice.

3. You will under no circumstances have to hold my handbag. Promise!

Edited to add:
Q: How do you make something already absurd reach the pinnacle of absurdity?
A: Read on, and you shall be enlightened.

Colin Heintze to persXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. show details 11:59 pm (0 minutes ago)

One day? Sounds good to me. I won't be in port much longer than dat.

Some guys down in the bogs, dey like it in port. Dey don't belong, not like me. Real man knows life on land is a sucker's life. Real man don't care nuttin for that muck -fancy restaurants, little princesses sippin at their dry vermouth, all dat. Dey don't get it, not like me.

I'm a fireman aboard the Liner Victoria. Dat's two turbines, 200 feet from stern to prow, and six decks displacing 80,000 cubic yards of water. I'm like you. I love my woik, so yous could say I'm career-orieneted too. Some guys down der in the bog, like dem Poles an Slovaks an Danes, dey don't care bout nothin but a paycheck. All dem's want is to get a little dough an blow it in port on whiskey an house-girls. Not me. I get it, see? I belong. I know dat when I got dat shovel in my hands an I'm feedin dat beast it's me dat makes her go, not dem squareheads up on the first deck or those snoots in engineering. Me, I make da woild go, an I don't need no pat on the back or no fancy bars pinned to my shoulders to tell dem I got woith. I've fed more to the furnace then Lucifer hisself, an anyone says different I'll knock em halfway across the starboard but good. Dat's me. I get it. I don't take nuttin from nobody. Tree-hundred days a year I see nuttin but coal an pig-iron, cause it takes a real man to work in Hell.

But hey, it's lonely down der, right? If I don't have de fires an my shovel keep me company, what else can I do? Ain't nuttin good on land, but if I'm not woiking den I get to thinkin dat maybe the furnaces would go on alright without me. Maybe da woild would keep going, I think. I don't like thinkin. I like gettin my hands dirty an havin a good sweat goin on my forehead an lettin the shovel do de thinkin for me. Maybe we could meet up?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I'm the Positive Guy who Thinky Kinky LOL

I'm the Positive Guy who Thinky Kinky LOL - 26 (Seoul)

Date: 2010-03-25, 1:26AM KT

Reply To This Post


Hi all you lovely lasses and great gals out in craigslist country! Ben Spock here, meet to please you lol! I'm the conductor on this crazy train called love and am looking for a co-pilot to ride the rails of life with. I'm single, ready to mingle, equal parts Goofus and Gallant and looking for the same - silly, sassy, sardonic, and wanting to indulge in extreme historical rape scenarios.

I don't want any Gloomy Gails or Bitter Bettys. You only live once, so live laughing! You'll always see a face on my grin, cause I'm not the kind of guy to get the sniffles if life doesn't go my way. Not like the hundreds of thousands of Chinese women violated by Japanese soldiers during Japan's brutal twelve-year occupation of the Chinese mainland, which we'll be playing if you decide to take a ride with this wild and crazy guy lol! Don't judge me, that's why it's called a kink - it puts a twist in all those stiff necks out there!

Okay, I'll be the first to admit it - I'm no Alec Baldwin... not even a Billy Baldwin! I love life and don't take myself too seriously, so you won't see me strutting around showing off my muscles or drinking protein shakes. They call em' love handles cause' you gotta be able to handle them to love me, baby! Honestly though, you won't be seeing much of me through my uniform, as we will be reenacting the fall of Berlin with you as a panicking German woman and me as a rampaging Soviet commander ordered by the Politburo to drive the Germans West through a sustained campaign of terror and sexual violence.

Don't worry, I'm not just into modern scenarios, either! Those who don't remember history are... I can't remember, but it sounded good lol! Of course, The millions of women living prior to the twentieth century forcibly penetrated by their husbands with no legal protection couldn't forget!

So, if you're a lover of life, a cheeky chick with an amazing attitude, and have an urge for extreme debasement and sexual domination in a historical setting, hit me up. Don't be like the women of 1990's Kosovo - say yes!

Location: Seoul
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests