Friday, March 26, 2010

RE: The most absurd post ever on CL just got absurd-er

The most absurd post ever on CL just got absurd-er - 29 (Seoul)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-03-26, 5:00PM KST

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Woman, without her man, is nothing.
Woman: Without her, man is nothing.

Right. So I am no Lynne Truss or Germaine Greer. I am just a busy career woman with little time to invest in a proper relationship. Oh wait, I’d definitely go the extra mile and extra hour raised to the power n for the right person; but that’s beside the point. The point here is that I just don’t want to sit with you in a coffee shop exchanging platitudes, all the while aware that both of us are busy determining the expiration time of that ill-fated meet. I’d much rather read The Da Vinci Code. Backwards.

What I want is just this: Let’s spend a day together believing (read: pretending) we are in a real relationship. I don’t want to see you again after that day, and you’d probably be running a hundred miles away from me even before I say good-bye to you. Easy-peesy! All I ask for is a *real* touch, kiss and hug. Okay, make all those plural nouns; but nothing beyond that. Sounds good?

And this is where this absurd idea turns into a ‘Is-she-for-real?’ thought bubble circling over your head -- I don’t have any sky-high requirements of you. I am not looking for someone hanging from the branches of Einstein’s family tree. Just be a good person, speak good English and be smart. And yes, a non-Korean between the ages of 30 and 35 please.

PS1. If you manage to stop guffawing/snickering at the absurdity of this idea, and do decide to write to me, tell me why this appeals to you in more than a sentence. In fact, feel free to write an essay.

2. Don’t send me any pictures. If you are attachment-obsessed, send me your 100+ page document detailing a sustainable development plan in the field of your choice.

3. You will under no circumstances have to hold my handbag. Promise!

Edited to add:
Q: How do you make something already absurd reach the pinnacle of absurdity?
A: Read on, and you shall be enlightened.

Colin Heintze to persXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. show details 11:59 pm (0 minutes ago)

One day? Sounds good to me. I won't be in port much longer than dat.

Some guys down in the bogs, dey like it in port. Dey don't belong, not like me. Real man knows life on land is a sucker's life. Real man don't care nuttin for that muck -fancy restaurants, little princesses sippin at their dry vermouth, all dat. Dey don't get it, not like me.

I'm a fireman aboard the Liner Victoria. Dat's two turbines, 200 feet from stern to prow, and six decks displacing 80,000 cubic yards of water. I'm like you. I love my woik, so yous could say I'm career-orieneted too. Some guys down der in the bog, like dem Poles an Slovaks an Danes, dey don't care bout nothin but a paycheck. All dem's want is to get a little dough an blow it in port on whiskey an house-girls. Not me. I get it, see? I belong. I know dat when I got dat shovel in my hands an I'm feedin dat beast it's me dat makes her go, not dem squareheads up on the first deck or those snoots in engineering. Me, I make da woild go, an I don't need no pat on the back or no fancy bars pinned to my shoulders to tell dem I got woith. I've fed more to the furnace then Lucifer hisself, an anyone says different I'll knock em halfway across the starboard but good. Dat's me. I get it. I don't take nuttin from nobody. Tree-hundred days a year I see nuttin but coal an pig-iron, cause it takes a real man to work in Hell.

But hey, it's lonely down der, right? If I don't have de fires an my shovel keep me company, what else can I do? Ain't nuttin good on land, but if I'm not woiking den I get to thinkin dat maybe the furnaces would go on alright without me. Maybe da woild would keep going, I think. I don't like thinkin. I like gettin my hands dirty an havin a good sweat goin on my forehead an lettin the shovel do de thinkin for me. Maybe we could meet up?

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