Looking For The Celestial Madonna - 27 (Denver, Dagon System)
Date: 2010-11-11, 12:00AM MST
Hello all you lovely ladies in craigslist land! Hope you're having an enlightened day!
You know, I see a lot of posts from a lot guys that just scream immaturity. Guys that are shallow and self-absorbed, guys who brag about their cars or their jobs or their expensive watches as if those were the things that really mattered in life. I don't mean to be hard on them - after all, what man hasn't been like that at some point in his life? Heck, five years ago you could have cut out a crown from your best glossy construction paper, put it on my head, and called me king of the jerks. But, that was before I knew that empathy, compassion, and love were the real keys to happiness. That was before I had my eyes opened by the visitors from the Dagon System.
Looking back, I can't help but be amused at how naive I was. I was working some crappy corporate job, bouncing from relationship to relationship and drinking nearly five nights a week just in the hope of finding a night's reprieve from my terrible lonesomeness. Then, one night as I was stumbling home after being rejected by a girl I had bought eighty dollars worth of drinks for, I saw them: the lights in the sky. The lights in my heart.
Now, I'm never lonely anymore. I never got along well with my birth-family, but my new family is swell! We spend most of every day singing, and dancing, and chanting, and preparing our bodies for the journey to the Dagon System through ritual self-mutilation. Of course, no family is perfect, and ours is no exception. Occasionally, one of my celestial sisters gets it in her head that she wants to write a letter to her birth-mother, at which point things can get pretty tense. Fortunately, a few weeks laboring in the fields on a 500-calorie-a-day diet of lentils puts a damper on even the fieriest of spirits, but boy have we had some close calls. Also, there are the occasional attempts by birth-parents of our family member to take them away, back to their lives of crass materialism, back to being asleep. So, just in case any of them are reading this, let me repeat what our attorneys already stated: most of our members are legally adults, so if you attempt to abduct and "deprogram" any of our brothers and sisters, you WILL be charged with kidnapping.
Anyways, I'm here now looking for the Celestial Madonna. What's a Celestial Madonna? Where can I find one? Unfortunately, the visitors weren't real clear about that one, but if we are ever to achieve the symbolic rebirth that will allow our spirits to ascend to the Dagon System, we need ourselves a Celestial Madonna. Trust me, it will be worth your while. Maybe you can call me an old-fashioned guy, but I take care of my women. After two years recruiting new family members in shopping malls and college campuses, and the obligatory six months of agricultural duty, you won't have to lift a finger, not around my house! Just one of the many perks of becoming a full-fledged sister of the Society of Celestial Love, along with matching uniforms and first pick of partners during group sex sessions!
Plus, you get the privilege of living under my guidance, a man who, I just recently realized in a a burst of theosophic revelations sent to me from deep space, is the one and only true god.
Don't hesitate, my Celestial Madonna! I am here, your god's avatar, to fulfill the prophecy and vault the elect few to the paradise of the Dagon system!
Location: Denver, Dagon System
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