HANDSOME HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER SEEKS SEXY GIRL TO COME TO CALIFORNIA! - 39 (Hollywood Hills)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2009-05-03, 11:10AM MDT
I am living an ADVENTURE!
Making Movies, TV & Music that entertain the World!
Life only goes around once, jump in & go for it!
Creativity, nature, showbiz, fun & adventure!
Tell me about yourself!
Location: Hollywood Hills
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Letter of Cease and Desist
Colin Heintze to pers-kvzbm-115.
show details 3:26 PM (1 minute ago)
Dear Mr. Crowe
I must say I am shocked and disappointed by your insistence to violate the terms of the cease and desist order issued to you February 17th of this year that clearly bans you from using craigslist as a medium for recruiting further victims. You paid quite a great deal of money to keep the family of Sheila Meyers quiet about your last "incident", an offer they took on good faith with the understanding that you would never put young women through what you did their daughter. Just to be clear Russell, I would like to remind you of the stipulations of your bond/civil suits:
1a. The defendant (Russell Crowe) is hereby prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting anything on the website "craigslist". Investigators found that his posts "Come With Me to California for Movie Magic" and "Production Assistants Needed in Hollywood Hills", as well as several others suspected to be authored by Crowe, were ads intended to lure young women to hotel rooms. In almost every case, the women were severely beaten and sexually assaulted by Crowe, often in the adapted persona of one of his film characters.
1b. The defendant is furthermore prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting on any "social networking sites" such as "Myspace", "Facebook", "Twitter", or "singlehornykids.com".
2a. The defendant is furthermore required to take alcohol abuse classes, at the insistence of his council who suffered several violent assaults at the hands of the rogue film icon.
2b. Subsequent legal defenses of "I was taking the piss out of a 24-pack of Foster's" will not be admissible in court. Though it is a tried and true legal response in the defendant's native Australia, there is no legal precedent in Los Angeles County that could entertain such a legal defense.
3. The defendant (Crowe) is required to take at least 180 hours of anger management, due to his numerous threats/attacks on peace officers, courtroom personnel, and random citizens described by the defendant as "looking a little bloody poncy."
4. In the event of violation of these terms, the defendant will be immediately deported and sentenced to a life term on the prison colony Australia. He shall be housed in the medium-security facility of Melbourne, a facility dept. of Corrections analysts have concluded houses an inmate population with a similar temperament to Mr. Crowe's own.
5. Under no circumstances is the defendant allowed to record to an analog or digital format, or perform publicly, any of his "music", which has been defined by the courts as the worst act of violence yet perpetrated by the defendant. Violation of this term will result in the same punishment outlined in section 4.
I hope that has reminded you of everything you have at stake here, Russell. Though I am a fan of your distinguished film career, I must insist you abide by the terms of the court ruling, as your rampage of rape, beatings, and aurally offensive music has left deep national scars that need time to heal.
Samuel Pfister, Attorney at Law