Looking For Love - 26 (Seoul)
So, It's been awhile since my last break-up and, on the advice of my therapist, I should "put myself out there". I guess that's what $40 an hour gets me - nothing a few reruns of Dr. Phil couldn't tell me.
Anyways, I really want love, though I'm really not sure how to go about getting it. I recently got out of a long relationship and I suppose you can say it left me a little bitter. Or, if you are my therapist you DO say that, and I just nod my head like a cirus seal... anything to keep the pills coming.
I guess I don't have a very high opinion of love. It just seems so overrated. I mean sure, all the cuddling and sex and affection is nice while it lasts, which it won't, because I don't deserve to be happy and even if I did, someone or something always sabotages it - whether it's the girl with the low tank top I looked at FOR LIKE HALF A SECOND or game seven of the NBA Finals just happening to fall on our anniversary. I've learned that love usually involves a lot of crying and throwing away your future to move to Columbus to raise some kid that isn't even yours that she got during the two months you were broken up and she went to go "find herself" in Spain even though you had to stay behind to make the rent since you had a year-long lease on the apartment and both of you were too stubborn to move out then she comes back and wants to go into couple's therapy but your insurance doesn't cover it so does she get a job? Nooooooooooooo, of course not, because you're nothing but a doormat with a cash-withdrawl button. Fucking bitch. What were we talking about?
Location: Seoul
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 1487697243
Monday, November 30, 2009
Epic Date Fail Has Returned!
For all you fans out there, Epic Date fail is back online after a long hiatus. I apologize for the delay, but I have been so busy doing interesting/sexy/heroic things I haven't had the time to work on this... monstrosity. So, take the guns out of your mouths and take the toasters off the ledges of your bathtubs, because we're back. I can't promise the same output as months past, but I will try to keep you, my loyal fan(s?) in failure. Also, if you want to keep me productive, then become a follower, or leave comments. Is that a threat? Yes, yes is it. Do those things or I will come to your house and cudgel you with a sock full of nickles.
- The Omega Man
- The Omega Man
Friday, May 15, 2009
Any Young Women Like Nature and Overthrowing the Federal Government?
Any Young Women Like Nature and overthrowing the Federal Government? - 25 ((hiding))
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Reply to: pers-gc2gu-1172845983@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-15, 3:26PM MDT
Okay, I'll admit it - maybe cloistering myself in a shack with no running water deep in the Idaho countryside wasn't the best thing for my social life. But when you're tormented by Ted Chambers and his army of totalitarian cronies, you just can't be too close to all the surveillance, the cameras, the wiretaps the... satellites... always watching... the satellites.
So, I'm taking a big risk here, but I'm reaching out, hoping to find a girl who will aid me in my vision of a world freed from the maw of totalitarian big government gangsters like Ted Chambers. I enjoy camping, fishing, working on my 14,000 page anti-government manifesto, mailing threatening letters to major media outlets, and a quiet night indoors. My place is pretty modest, but comfortable. Not as comfortable as the 12,000 square foot house I used to own, the same house City Councilman Chambers told me was three feet taller than the zoning code. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE NO MORE THAN 65 FEET FROM THE GROUND, NOT THE FOUNDATION!!!! NOT THE FOUNDATION, YOU BLOATED NAZI AUTOCRAT!!!! Of course, since being fired from Lockhead-Martin last fall, I can't really afford better, but I get by. All I really need is few bags of beans from the general store, reams of paper, and ammunition for the inevitable day when the federal government gestapo comes to silence me for speaking out against their one-world new world order agenda. Point is, I can't afford to take you out a lot.
What was that? Are they here? Have they come to get me? No. No. It was just a squirrel.
Ted Chambers has done everything in his power to shut me up, from that bogus restraining order, to the trumped-up charges of "attempting to start a secessionist citizen militia group". He even got me fired from my job, for allegedly using my workstation to send "threatening, harassing, and inflammatory emails". So, what could I do? I cashed in my 401, converted it to gold (I don't trust money since Nixon/Greenspan took us off the gold standard. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THE ECONOMY IS HURTING, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THE ADOPTION OF FIAT MONEY BY FEUDAL WALL STREET BARONS AND THEIR SNIVELING LAPDOGS IN CONGRESS!!!) and devoted myself entirely to falling off the grid and fighting the federal government and all the Ted Chambers in the world. All I'm looking for is the same in a woman.
Jesus. I heard something. Is that them? Has the day of my prophesying come... no. False alarm. Just the wind. Just a lonely, lonely wind.
Location: (hiding)
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1172845983
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Reply to: pers-gc2gu-1172845983@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-15, 3:26PM MDT
Okay, I'll admit it - maybe cloistering myself in a shack with no running water deep in the Idaho countryside wasn't the best thing for my social life. But when you're tormented by Ted Chambers and his army of totalitarian cronies, you just can't be too close to all the surveillance, the cameras, the wiretaps the... satellites... always watching... the satellites.
So, I'm taking a big risk here, but I'm reaching out, hoping to find a girl who will aid me in my vision of a world freed from the maw of totalitarian big government gangsters like Ted Chambers. I enjoy camping, fishing, working on my 14,000 page anti-government manifesto, mailing threatening letters to major media outlets, and a quiet night indoors. My place is pretty modest, but comfortable. Not as comfortable as the 12,000 square foot house I used to own, the same house City Councilman Chambers told me was three feet taller than the zoning code. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE NO MORE THAN 65 FEET FROM THE GROUND, NOT THE FOUNDATION!!!! NOT THE FOUNDATION, YOU BLOATED NAZI AUTOCRAT!!!! Of course, since being fired from Lockhead-Martin last fall, I can't really afford better, but I get by. All I really need is few bags of beans from the general store, reams of paper, and ammunition for the inevitable day when the federal government gestapo comes to silence me for speaking out against their one-world new world order agenda. Point is, I can't afford to take you out a lot.
What was that? Are they here? Have they come to get me? No. No. It was just a squirrel.
Ted Chambers has done everything in his power to shut me up, from that bogus restraining order, to the trumped-up charges of "attempting to start a secessionist citizen militia group". He even got me fired from my job, for allegedly using my workstation to send "threatening, harassing, and inflammatory emails". So, what could I do? I cashed in my 401, converted it to gold (I don't trust money since Nixon/Greenspan took us off the gold standard. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THE ECONOMY IS HURTING, LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THE ADOPTION OF FIAT MONEY BY FEUDAL WALL STREET BARONS AND THEIR SNIVELING LAPDOGS IN CONGRESS!!!) and devoted myself entirely to falling off the grid and fighting the federal government and all the Ted Chambers in the world. All I'm looking for is the same in a woman.
Jesus. I heard something. Is that them? Has the day of my prophesying come... no. False alarm. Just the wind. Just a lonely, lonely wind.
Location: (hiding)
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1172845983
Sunday, May 3, 2009
RE: HANDSOME HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER SEEKS SEXY GIRL TO COME TO CALIFORNIA!
HANDSOME HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER SEEKS SEXY GIRL TO COME TO CALIFORNIA! - 39 (Hollywood Hills)
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Reply to: pers-kvzbm-1152279880@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-03, 11:10AM MDT
I am living an ADVENTURE!
Making Movies, TV & Music that entertain the World!
Life only goes around once, jump in & go for it!
Creativity, nature, showbiz, fun & adventure!
Tell me about yourself!
Location: Hollywood Hills
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1152279880
Letter of Cease and Desist
Colin Heintze to pers-kvzbm-115.
show details 3:26 PM (1 minute ago)
Dear Mr. Crowe
I must say I am shocked and disappointed by your insistence to violate the terms of the cease and desist order issued to you February 17th of this year that clearly bans you from using craigslist as a medium for recruiting further victims. You paid quite a great deal of money to keep the family of Sheila Meyers quiet about your last "incident", an offer they took on good faith with the understanding that you would never put young women through what you did their daughter. Just to be clear Russell, I would like to remind you of the stipulations of your bond/civil suits:
1a. The defendant (Russell Crowe) is hereby prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting anything on the website "craigslist". Investigators found that his posts "Come With Me to California for Movie Magic" and "Production Assistants Needed in Hollywood Hills", as well as several others suspected to be authored by Crowe, were ads intended to lure young women to hotel rooms. In almost every case, the women were severely beaten and sexually assaulted by Crowe, often in the adapted persona of one of his film characters.
1b. The defendant is furthermore prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting on any "social networking sites" such as "Myspace", "Facebook", "Twitter", or "singlehornykids.com".
2a. The defendant is furthermore required to take alcohol abuse classes, at the insistence of his council who suffered several violent assaults at the hands of the rogue film icon.
2b. Subsequent legal defenses of "I was taking the piss out of a 24-pack of Foster's" will not be admissible in court. Though it is a tried and true legal response in the defendant's native Australia, there is no legal precedent in Los Angeles County that could entertain such a legal defense.
3. The defendant (Crowe) is required to take at least 180 hours of anger management, due to his numerous threats/attacks on peace officers, courtroom personnel, and random citizens described by the defendant as "looking a little bloody poncy."
4. In the event of violation of these terms, the defendant will be immediately deported and sentenced to a life term on the prison colony Australia. He shall be housed in the medium-security facility of Melbourne, a facility dept. of Corrections analysts have concluded houses an inmate population with a similar temperament to Mr. Crowe's own.
5. Under no circumstances is the defendant allowed to record to an analog or digital format, or perform publicly, any of his "music", which has been defined by the courts as the worst act of violence yet perpetrated by the defendant. Violation of this term will result in the same punishment outlined in section 4.
I hope that has reminded you of everything you have at stake here, Russell. Though I am a fan of your distinguished film career, I must insist you abide by the terms of the court ruling, as your rampage of rape, beatings, and aurally offensive music has left deep national scars that need time to heal.
Fearfully Yours,
Samuel Pfister, Attorney at Law
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Reply to: pers-kvzbm-1152279880@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-03, 11:10AM MDT
I am living an ADVENTURE!
Making Movies, TV & Music that entertain the World!
Life only goes around once, jump in & go for it!
Creativity, nature, showbiz, fun & adventure!
Tell me about yourself!
Location: Hollywood Hills
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1152279880
Letter of Cease and Desist
Colin Heintze to pers-kvzbm-115.
show details 3:26 PM (1 minute ago)
Dear Mr. Crowe
I must say I am shocked and disappointed by your insistence to violate the terms of the cease and desist order issued to you February 17th of this year that clearly bans you from using craigslist as a medium for recruiting further victims. You paid quite a great deal of money to keep the family of Sheila Meyers quiet about your last "incident", an offer they took on good faith with the understanding that you would never put young women through what you did their daughter. Just to be clear Russell, I would like to remind you of the stipulations of your bond/civil suits:
1a. The defendant (Russell Crowe) is hereby prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting anything on the website "craigslist". Investigators found that his posts "Come With Me to California for Movie Magic" and "Production Assistants Needed in Hollywood Hills", as well as several others suspected to be authored by Crowe, were ads intended to lure young women to hotel rooms. In almost every case, the women were severely beaten and sexually assaulted by Crowe, often in the adapted persona of one of his film characters.
1b. The defendant is furthermore prohibited from viewing, entering, or posting on any "social networking sites" such as "Myspace", "Facebook", "Twitter", or "singlehornykids.com".
2a. The defendant is furthermore required to take alcohol abuse classes, at the insistence of his council who suffered several violent assaults at the hands of the rogue film icon.
2b. Subsequent legal defenses of "I was taking the piss out of a 24-pack of Foster's" will not be admissible in court. Though it is a tried and true legal response in the defendant's native Australia, there is no legal precedent in Los Angeles County that could entertain such a legal defense.
3. The defendant (Crowe) is required to take at least 180 hours of anger management, due to his numerous threats/attacks on peace officers, courtroom personnel, and random citizens described by the defendant as "looking a little bloody poncy."
4. In the event of violation of these terms, the defendant will be immediately deported and sentenced to a life term on the prison colony Australia. He shall be housed in the medium-security facility of Melbourne, a facility dept. of Corrections analysts have concluded houses an inmate population with a similar temperament to Mr. Crowe's own.
5. Under no circumstances is the defendant allowed to record to an analog or digital format, or perform publicly, any of his "music", which has been defined by the courts as the worst act of violence yet perpetrated by the defendant. Violation of this term will result in the same punishment outlined in section 4.
I hope that has reminded you of everything you have at stake here, Russell. Though I am a fan of your distinguished film career, I must insist you abide by the terms of the court ruling, as your rampage of rape, beatings, and aurally offensive music has left deep national scars that need time to heal.
Fearfully Yours,
Samuel Pfister, Attorney at Law
Help me Clean up this Filthy, Pornographic City?
Help me Clean up this Filthy, Pornographic City? - 25 (Denver)
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Reply to: pers-xxw3r-1152457166@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-03, 1:03PM MDT
So it's come to this. Dating on the internet, that putrid, dripping soul of society's collective filth and indecency.
I thought on my nightly constitutionals, as I stalk the city seeking to punish the transgressors slowly driving society into a mire of offal and excrement, I would have found a nice girl. Every girl likes a hero, right? And heroes are hard to come by in this day and age, where the good cower behind bolted doors, ignoring the cries in the night as the evil and corrupt ply their depraved trades, making life a stinking sewer of vice and corruption. The pimps. The dealers. The glassy-eyed whores offering every debauched pleasure simply for a chance to plunge poison into their diseased arms.
I specifically asked for no mayo on this sandwich, yet there is clearly mayo on here, right between the foul, spoiled lettuce and immoral, hedonistic turkey. I must make a note to visit that boy behind the sandwich counter one of these howling, lonely nights. If he is unable to withhold his end of the social contract and make a sandwich as specified, then he must suffer at the hands of the righteous avenger.
I thought I had met a nice girl a few months back, as I prowled the cold night, peeking in windows to locate despicable crimes in action. She was being raped. The evil pig atop her grunting and moaning, drops of foul sweat falling from his brow. I kicked in the door and beat him, beat him with the rage of a thousand avenging angels, until he would never defile another innocent again. And, did I get any thanks? No, just a whole lot of "oh my God, my boyfriend!" and calls of "murderer! Murderer!". Sheesh. Women.
My god. In front of this window, there is a young woman changing, undoubtedly to fulfill some kind of depraved exhibitionist perversion. I will watch. That will be her punishment, to know that the one righteous man in this stinking brothel of a city will watch her and judge her. My god, are those C cups? They didn't look that big under her nighty. I will continue to punish her until I can no longer hang onto the sixth story ledge.
Have to go now. There is a young couple walking down the street. He has his arm around her, and she is looking at him with all the trust and adoration of a woman who is about to be kidnapped, sold into slavery, and gang-raped for years by visiting Russian businessmen. "I must stop it". That's what I tell myself as my hand slides, serpent-like, into my pocket for the collapsible baton. I may never win this war, but all that matters is that I fight...
Location: Denver
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1152457166
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Reply to: pers-xxw3r-1152457166@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-03, 1:03PM MDT
So it's come to this. Dating on the internet, that putrid, dripping soul of society's collective filth and indecency.
I thought on my nightly constitutionals, as I stalk the city seeking to punish the transgressors slowly driving society into a mire of offal and excrement, I would have found a nice girl. Every girl likes a hero, right? And heroes are hard to come by in this day and age, where the good cower behind bolted doors, ignoring the cries in the night as the evil and corrupt ply their depraved trades, making life a stinking sewer of vice and corruption. The pimps. The dealers. The glassy-eyed whores offering every debauched pleasure simply for a chance to plunge poison into their diseased arms.
I specifically asked for no mayo on this sandwich, yet there is clearly mayo on here, right between the foul, spoiled lettuce and immoral, hedonistic turkey. I must make a note to visit that boy behind the sandwich counter one of these howling, lonely nights. If he is unable to withhold his end of the social contract and make a sandwich as specified, then he must suffer at the hands of the righteous avenger.
I thought I had met a nice girl a few months back, as I prowled the cold night, peeking in windows to locate despicable crimes in action. She was being raped. The evil pig atop her grunting and moaning, drops of foul sweat falling from his brow. I kicked in the door and beat him, beat him with the rage of a thousand avenging angels, until he would never defile another innocent again. And, did I get any thanks? No, just a whole lot of "oh my God, my boyfriend!" and calls of "murderer! Murderer!". Sheesh. Women.
My god. In front of this window, there is a young woman changing, undoubtedly to fulfill some kind of depraved exhibitionist perversion. I will watch. That will be her punishment, to know that the one righteous man in this stinking brothel of a city will watch her and judge her. My god, are those C cups? They didn't look that big under her nighty. I will continue to punish her until I can no longer hang onto the sixth story ledge.
Have to go now. There is a young couple walking down the street. He has his arm around her, and she is looking at him with all the trust and adoration of a woman who is about to be kidnapped, sold into slavery, and gang-raped for years by visiting Russian businessmen. "I must stop it". That's what I tell myself as my hand slides, serpent-like, into my pocket for the collapsible baton. I may never win this war, but all that matters is that I fight...
Location: Denver
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1152457166
Monday, April 20, 2009
RE: I'm looking for the Adam I took my rib from. Is it you?
I'm looking for the Adam I took my rib from. Is it you? - 23 (Denver metro)
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Reply to: pers-wadme-1130527562@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-19, 8:28PM MDT
Hey! Thanks for checking out my ad.
First time I've ever done this, and I must admit I feel a little dumb. :-)
A bit about me, perhaps is always a good thing to start with. I am 23 years young and have recently moved to Colorado to continue my college career and am majoring in music-- vocal performance. I love to sing, play the guitar (acoustic), djembe (African hand drum), and am learning piano. I have been singing for about 20 years now and can't seem to get sick of it. I am delving into the idea of becoming a professional undergraduate student (5 years strong with 2.5 to go), or perhaps I can see if my school offers it as a minor. :-) I was ignoring the calling God had placed in my life for music, so I pursued just about anything else for most of my career until recently. I'm a girl with a sense of humor which I know seems to be a rare find these days, so it looks like I'm a catch! Haha Anyway, usually I look through personal ads on craigslist for sheer entertainment purposes because I can't believe the things people legitimately say about themselves in order to become more attractive. Good times! So, in response to the greatness of personal ads on craigslist, oddly enough, I am posting one of my own. How rich!
It is probably about time for a little more information about myself. I was raised in a Christian home, and have a personal relationship with Jesus. Don't be fooled, however, I am not a bible-thumper. I have never been married and have no children of my own, except for the little Colombian girl I'm supporting through Compassion International. I do not smoke, unless you count the occasional turkey or brisket-- which really I don't smoke, just enjoy the flavor of. I do like an occasional amaretto sour or even a cold Guiness to de-junk my week or even month. I enjoy being outside and participating in activities such as hiking, snowboarding (when time permits), camping, fishing, etc. with my friends. I also enjoy getting dressed up and going downtown to just check out the arts or soak up the culture (concerts, art museum, or a walk down the 16th street mall). I enjoy watching sports (baseball, basketball mainly, but really anything) and an occasional pick up game. Look forward to going to INVESCO Field sometime in the near future.
I have worked at a Christian special needs camp for the last 5 years now and will be volunteering there again this summer for a week. It captured my heart since the very beginning. I currently work as a server, a.k.a. entertaining the hungry. I am awesome, yet totally humble! Truth. I enjoy watching movies and reading a book outside of classwork, from time to time. Well, I've blabbed enough about myself and I enjoy leaving a little mystery for you. I will gladly exchange a picture for a picture, as I am leery of posting mine for all of the internet to see.
Hope you have a great day and look forward to hearing from you! Also, please do not send me any spam, or offers for websites or anything that does not respect yourself or myself. Also, if you can place your answer to the origin of the following quote in the subject line so I know you're not a robot, that would be awesome!!
"Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die, follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong." If you know the answer, then you know one of my favorite movies! :-) Good luck!!
Location: Denver metro
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1130527562
I Think We Have a Lot in Common...
Colin Heintze to pers-wadme-113.
show details 8:08 PM (4 minutes ago)
Good evening! I saw your post and really liked what you have to say. I've devoted my life to charitable causes, and am happy to find a woman who has the same proactive attitude about bettering mankind and spreading the word of the lord. In my life, I have participated with a variety of charitable activities, including working with retarded Christian babies and baptizing lowland gorillas (when they stay still, LOL). My most recent, and harrowing, was the thirteen months of missionary work I did in South America, in the jungle primeval (referred to by nearby settled meztizo populations as "the green inferno") near the Peru/Brazil border. Rather than explain in a lengthy dissertation, I'll allow some of my journal entries to speak for themselves:
Day 4: Sighted our first sign of habitation - the head of a tapir impaled upon a pole. It appears to be wreathed in all manner of talismans and charms. Pagan superstition, I'm sure. Our guide informs us this sign marks the beginning of Oawito territory. I look forward to pushing farther into the interior. I have every expectation they will welcome us as friends and accept Christ into their hearts.
Day 6: Still no sight of the Oawito. Today, we came across a campsite that, judging by the embers in the fire-pit, must have been abandoned only a few hours before. They seem to be avoiding us, but I won't let that deter us, not when there's still the Lord's work to be done!
Day 9: Still no contact. Have several infected sores caused by insect bites. My feet feel absolutely rubbery, and my socks are rotted. Lucille says she feels cold. How can that be, when the rest of us are baking in this heat?
Day: 10: Lucille is dead. Turns out she had malaria. She would have been fine like the rest of us, except her particular church doesn't believe in vaccinations. Reverend Fowler gave her the most beautiful ceremony.
Day 11: Contact! We stumbled upon an Oawito fishing village. They seem like very peaceful people; there isn't a weapon of any kind in sight. They should be easy to persuade - after all, what are pagans other than human beings waiting to be perfected? Strangely, there seems to be only old people and children in this village. I'll investigate further, once I can contain my excitement.
Day 13: Handed out bibles today. The Oawito attempted to eat them. I find these people... odd. Though they do not seem to fear us, they pay little notice of us. I have heard that tribes in these areas have strict taboos concerning outsiders. This means I will have to try twice as hard to win their confidence.
Day 15: Some Jesuits showed up at the village. We shook our fists at them and they left, sulking, on to another village to spread their heretical dogma. You should have seen the looks on those jerks' faces.
Day 16: The Oawito became visibly upset when Reverend Fowler toppled the totem in the village square to erect the new church. In a patois of sign language and pidgin Spanish, I attempted to explain to them that we respect their religious beliefs - that every religion can be a pathway to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior. Sadly, I don't think they understood.
Day 18: I think Fowler has gone mad with power. He whipped a native woman who was going topless and forced her to cover herself. Though I'm glad he taught them shame, I cannot help but wonder if we're going about this the wrong way.
Day 24: Oh my God. It's everywhere... the blood... I can't, I can't... close my eyes without seeing what they did to Jason. Turns out this village did have plenty of weapons, and plenty of young men. They were all in the forest, hunting us. Fowler wants the remaining team to make a break for it, though with our guide shot in the neck with a blow-gun, can we find our way? I still trust in Christ to guide us.
Day 25: I no longer believe in God, or anything else for that matter. How could an all-wise, benevolent entity create such horror and misery? They caught us a few miles downriver. I've spent the last day in a wooden cage submerged to my waist in swamp water. I don't know what has been done with the others, but I hear horrible cries in the night...
Day 39: Still in the cage. Growing thinner. I only get one little bowl of meat a day. I have scarcely the energy to shoo the flies from my face or pull the leeches off my body. I pray God will allow me to die.
Day 47: Haven't eaten for days, not since I found out they've been feeding me Fowler. Please God, let me die quickly.
Day 55: Great news! I'm currently flying to Lima in a government helicopter! Turns out, the army finally located the Oawito villages and has fully resumed its ethnic cleansing campaign! You should have seen the way they ran from the machine-guns and mortar shells! God bless us all! I'm so happy to be amongst civilized men once more!
Day 58: Bad news. Since we entered the country illegally, I'm being held in detention until the U.S. Embassy can negotiate release. I'm being held without charges or access to an attorney. It seems Peru doesn't guarantee those kinds of constitutional rights...
So, if you're interested in a guy with a proven track record of participating in Christian causes, just give me a shout!
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Reply to: pers-wadme-1130527562@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-19, 8:28PM MDT
Hey! Thanks for checking out my ad.
First time I've ever done this, and I must admit I feel a little dumb. :-)
A bit about me, perhaps is always a good thing to start with. I am 23 years young and have recently moved to Colorado to continue my college career and am majoring in music-- vocal performance. I love to sing, play the guitar (acoustic), djembe (African hand drum), and am learning piano. I have been singing for about 20 years now and can't seem to get sick of it. I am delving into the idea of becoming a professional undergraduate student (5 years strong with 2.5 to go), or perhaps I can see if my school offers it as a minor. :-) I was ignoring the calling God had placed in my life for music, so I pursued just about anything else for most of my career until recently. I'm a girl with a sense of humor which I know seems to be a rare find these days, so it looks like I'm a catch! Haha Anyway, usually I look through personal ads on craigslist for sheer entertainment purposes because I can't believe the things people legitimately say about themselves in order to become more attractive. Good times! So, in response to the greatness of personal ads on craigslist, oddly enough, I am posting one of my own. How rich!
It is probably about time for a little more information about myself. I was raised in a Christian home, and have a personal relationship with Jesus. Don't be fooled, however, I am not a bible-thumper. I have never been married and have no children of my own, except for the little Colombian girl I'm supporting through Compassion International. I do not smoke, unless you count the occasional turkey or brisket-- which really I don't smoke, just enjoy the flavor of. I do like an occasional amaretto sour or even a cold Guiness to de-junk my week or even month. I enjoy being outside and participating in activities such as hiking, snowboarding (when time permits), camping, fishing, etc. with my friends. I also enjoy getting dressed up and going downtown to just check out the arts or soak up the culture (concerts, art museum, or a walk down the 16th street mall). I enjoy watching sports (baseball, basketball mainly, but really anything) and an occasional pick up game. Look forward to going to INVESCO Field sometime in the near future.
I have worked at a Christian special needs camp for the last 5 years now and will be volunteering there again this summer for a week. It captured my heart since the very beginning. I currently work as a server, a.k.a. entertaining the hungry. I am awesome, yet totally humble! Truth. I enjoy watching movies and reading a book outside of classwork, from time to time. Well, I've blabbed enough about myself and I enjoy leaving a little mystery for you. I will gladly exchange a picture for a picture, as I am leery of posting mine for all of the internet to see.
Hope you have a great day and look forward to hearing from you! Also, please do not send me any spam, or offers for websites or anything that does not respect yourself or myself. Also, if you can place your answer to the origin of the following quote in the subject line so I know you're not a robot, that would be awesome!!
"Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered but legends never die, follow your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong." If you know the answer, then you know one of my favorite movies! :-) Good luck!!
Location: Denver metro
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1130527562
I Think We Have a Lot in Common...
Colin Heintze to pers-wadme-113.
show details 8:08 PM (4 minutes ago)
Good evening! I saw your post and really liked what you have to say. I've devoted my life to charitable causes, and am happy to find a woman who has the same proactive attitude about bettering mankind and spreading the word of the lord. In my life, I have participated with a variety of charitable activities, including working with retarded Christian babies and baptizing lowland gorillas (when they stay still, LOL). My most recent, and harrowing, was the thirteen months of missionary work I did in South America, in the jungle primeval (referred to by nearby settled meztizo populations as "the green inferno") near the Peru/Brazil border. Rather than explain in a lengthy dissertation, I'll allow some of my journal entries to speak for themselves:
Day 4: Sighted our first sign of habitation - the head of a tapir impaled upon a pole. It appears to be wreathed in all manner of talismans and charms. Pagan superstition, I'm sure. Our guide informs us this sign marks the beginning of Oawito territory. I look forward to pushing farther into the interior. I have every expectation they will welcome us as friends and accept Christ into their hearts.
Day 6: Still no sight of the Oawito. Today, we came across a campsite that, judging by the embers in the fire-pit, must have been abandoned only a few hours before. They seem to be avoiding us, but I won't let that deter us, not when there's still the Lord's work to be done!
Day 9: Still no contact. Have several infected sores caused by insect bites. My feet feel absolutely rubbery, and my socks are rotted. Lucille says she feels cold. How can that be, when the rest of us are baking in this heat?
Day: 10: Lucille is dead. Turns out she had malaria. She would have been fine like the rest of us, except her particular church doesn't believe in vaccinations. Reverend Fowler gave her the most beautiful ceremony.
Day 11: Contact! We stumbled upon an Oawito fishing village. They seem like very peaceful people; there isn't a weapon of any kind in sight. They should be easy to persuade - after all, what are pagans other than human beings waiting to be perfected? Strangely, there seems to be only old people and children in this village. I'll investigate further, once I can contain my excitement.
Day 13: Handed out bibles today. The Oawito attempted to eat them. I find these people... odd. Though they do not seem to fear us, they pay little notice of us. I have heard that tribes in these areas have strict taboos concerning outsiders. This means I will have to try twice as hard to win their confidence.
Day 15: Some Jesuits showed up at the village. We shook our fists at them and they left, sulking, on to another village to spread their heretical dogma. You should have seen the looks on those jerks' faces.
Day 16: The Oawito became visibly upset when Reverend Fowler toppled the totem in the village square to erect the new church. In a patois of sign language and pidgin Spanish, I attempted to explain to them that we respect their religious beliefs - that every religion can be a pathway to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior. Sadly, I don't think they understood.
Day 18: I think Fowler has gone mad with power. He whipped a native woman who was going topless and forced her to cover herself. Though I'm glad he taught them shame, I cannot help but wonder if we're going about this the wrong way.
Day 24: Oh my God. It's everywhere... the blood... I can't, I can't... close my eyes without seeing what they did to Jason. Turns out this village did have plenty of weapons, and plenty of young men. They were all in the forest, hunting us. Fowler wants the remaining team to make a break for it, though with our guide shot in the neck with a blow-gun, can we find our way? I still trust in Christ to guide us.
Day 25: I no longer believe in God, or anything else for that matter. How could an all-wise, benevolent entity create such horror and misery? They caught us a few miles downriver. I've spent the last day in a wooden cage submerged to my waist in swamp water. I don't know what has been done with the others, but I hear horrible cries in the night...
Day 39: Still in the cage. Growing thinner. I only get one little bowl of meat a day. I have scarcely the energy to shoo the flies from my face or pull the leeches off my body. I pray God will allow me to die.
Day 47: Haven't eaten for days, not since I found out they've been feeding me Fowler. Please God, let me die quickly.
Day 55: Great news! I'm currently flying to Lima in a government helicopter! Turns out, the army finally located the Oawito villages and has fully resumed its ethnic cleansing campaign! You should have seen the way they ran from the machine-guns and mortar shells! God bless us all! I'm so happy to be amongst civilized men once more!
Day 58: Bad news. Since we entered the country illegally, I'm being held in detention until the U.S. Embassy can negotiate release. I'm being held without charges or access to an attorney. It seems Peru doesn't guarantee those kinds of constitutional rights...
So, if you're interested in a guy with a proven track record of participating in Christian causes, just give me a shout!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Looking For a Chick that Understands Ultimate Brutality
Looking For a Chick that Understands Ultimate Brutality - 25 (Denver)
Reply to: pers-5qcyb-1119049614@craigslist.org Date: 2009-04-12, 2:08PM MDT
Hey, what's up. Let me be the first to say that this internet dating stuff is for total poseurs, but I'm only gonna be in the country for a few more months so I might as well give it a shot.
My name's Skaldi Laarkvest and I'm in the black metal band Engage, Enslave, Exterminate. Here's what I'm looking for in a chick while we tour this shithole country:
- first, I need a chick who thinks I'm not goth. Let me explain right now: goths are faggy teenagers who read Lord Byron and hang out in front of the Orange Julius. Though I may paint my face and wear spiked arm-bands, I AM NOT GOTH! I'm simply your average Scandinavian nihilist who wants to play some Satanic shreds.
- that said, don't front as a metal fan and tell me you like bands like Soilwork or Cradle of Filth. That commercial shit is made for fat American teenagers whose penises don't work. Real metal is produced in basements on hand-held recorders and is made only for the glory of the fuckin' Aesir.
- most of all, you should get ultimate brutality. You should have a fondness of that perfect moment when hate, angst, frustration, and disappointment meet in one face-melting track that makes everyone listening throw up their hands and say "what the fuck is worth living for?".
So, if that's you, get back to me. We're playing a show next week with Debauched Bishop, Hammerslain, and Eisefurtenpaarastmagoral, and I could really use you helping out backstage when we herd the goats onstage for the third set.
* Location: Denver
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Reply to: pers-5qcyb-1119049614@craigslist.org Date: 2009-04-12, 2:08PM MDT
Hey, what's up. Let me be the first to say that this internet dating stuff is for total poseurs, but I'm only gonna be in the country for a few more months so I might as well give it a shot.
My name's Skaldi Laarkvest and I'm in the black metal band Engage, Enslave, Exterminate. Here's what I'm looking for in a chick while we tour this shithole country:
- first, I need a chick who thinks I'm not goth. Let me explain right now: goths are faggy teenagers who read Lord Byron and hang out in front of the Orange Julius. Though I may paint my face and wear spiked arm-bands, I AM NOT GOTH! I'm simply your average Scandinavian nihilist who wants to play some Satanic shreds.
- that said, don't front as a metal fan and tell me you like bands like Soilwork or Cradle of Filth. That commercial shit is made for fat American teenagers whose penises don't work. Real metal is produced in basements on hand-held recorders and is made only for the glory of the fuckin' Aesir.
- most of all, you should get ultimate brutality. You should have a fondness of that perfect moment when hate, angst, frustration, and disappointment meet in one face-melting track that makes everyone listening throw up their hands and say "what the fuck is worth living for?".
So, if that's you, get back to me. We're playing a show next week with Debauched Bishop, Hammerslain, and Eisefurtenpaarastmagoral, and I could really use you helping out backstage when we herd the goats onstage for the third set.
* Location: Denver
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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