Sunday, August 22, 2010

RE: $1 Alt Lifestyle(female)

$1 Alt Lifestyle(female) (Greensboro)
Date: 2010-08-16, 5:57PM EDT
Reply to:
Location: corner of XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXX

Have you ever had fantisys of being part of a harem or a slave girl? Would you
like to be part of a social experiment? You will get 1 collar, 1 shared
bedroom(bunk bed, fully furnished), utilities(gas,elec,water,HS-cable,local phone)
and food; for $1/month + (cleaning or cooking). Room assignments may change every
4 months.

Spots available 1 cook, 1 maid, and 1 pet. Spots are 4 to 8 months only and pet
may not be the first role you take; pet is also optional. And since this kind of
thing can be taken the wrong way, a non disclosure contract will also be required.

Mon 6PM-10PM and Fri 6PM-7PM will be house dinner and house meetings, dinner prep
starts 5:15PM for cook, else 11:15pm curfew. Requires 5hrs/week dinners
and house meetings and 5hrs/week in assigned roleplay. No eating or drinking in
bedrooms. No overnight guests unless imediate family. No parties. no smoking
anywhere on property. And will require some reading to our small group. other duties
include your own laundry, and cleaning up after yourself in all common rooms.

This experiment is about roleplay, learning the minimum cleaning that a social worker would require from you if children were in the house, learning how to cook for a family of 6, and learning how to follow and give directions. This is also about presenting your goals to a group and as a group, being held accountable. This will be a documented experiment, if you wish to write a journal it can be turned in every 6 months at ($10per readable & full page) up to $500.

The trade is this: room and board for 10hrs/week your end. My end, I get two cooked meals per week, a clean house and quotes-jurnalistic ideas if you turn in a journal.

The downstairs has one male until Nov. then It will be all female. The upstairs is
occupied by one male who is responsible for yard and house maintance. And their are
dogs and a cat.

We presently have 1 of the 3 spots filled. IF anyone is interested in filling another spot. (336)294-XXXX for questions or to see the house. Ask for Marty, or leave name and #.

•Location: Greensboro
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1902450025

Some Tips From an Old-hand at Harems
|Colin Heintze to hous-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 8:26 PM (2 minutes ago)

Pardon my intrusion, but after reading your message I was seized with the desire to offer my most humble and well-intentioned advice. I should preface this with by saying that the purpose of this response is not to be condescending or in any way disrespectful of your harem-building ambitions, but only to give you, with your clear lack of experience in these matters, some pointers that will allow you to avoid the pitfalls that plague many journeyman harem-builders.

First of all, three women is not a harem. It's barely even a shisha den. Now, I know what you're thinking - "three girls will be easier to manage", but let me tell you that, when it comes to harems, bigger is always better. With only three girls locked inside the incense-laden, gilded chamber of your palace, all it it takes is two forming an alliance for some very nasty plots to emerge. First, a little flirtation with the captain of the guards. Then, maybe some secret messages smuggled out to foreign ambassadors. Next thing you know, you've got some harem girl trying to enthrone the son you begot on her. Then you have guards to torture, heads to put on pikes, and bastard-sons to have quietly murdered lest they ever emerge to challenge your rightful heirs. Really, it's depressing. Better to have at least a few dozen girls, so their vying for your attention will cause them to factionalize against each other. Like my father always said, building a harem is a science, not an art.

Also, having less girls in your harem than you do wives? Seems like it defeats the purpose... just saying.

Have you even thought about security? New harem-builders never do. For every three girls, you're going to need at least one eunuch, preferably a dark-skinned kafir (I'm not racist by the way, it's just good policy to have kafirs guard your harems since, in case they weren't properly snipped, you can always look at a newborn mulatto and tell who the father was). Sure, for a harem your size you'll probably go with some low-end eunuch, but let me tell you something - when you buy discount eunuchs, you get what you pay for. Does your eunuch know the correct amount of hashish to administer to a certain girl on a daily basis? Has your eunuch the resolve to separate two girls who, while you campaign against the Hungarians, have taken to committing lewd acts with each other? Most importantly, can your eunuch crush the skull of an intruder as easily as an egg? And don't even think of trying to get a eunuch outside the union. Do that, and you'll have a few hundred picketers in front of the palace gates shouting in that creepy falsetto of theirs. By the prophet, peace be upon his name, the paperwork turns into a real nightmare.

And really, encouraging your harem girls to read and write? Maybe next we could not execute apostates, or allow women to own property. This is a harem, man, so leave all those high-falutin' modern ideals to those swines in Venice.

But, I will not harangue you further, for if there is one thing I've learned about harems, it's that the only way to truly learn is by doing. So, take my advice or leave it, because when it comes to enslaving a large number of women to be exploited as sexual objects, there's only one rule: have fun!

His Most Revered Excellency Great Osman, Scourge of the Infidels, and Sal Al-Addin
Sultan Yildirim Bayezid

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

fucking hilarious colin...