Seeking a Woman of the Same Faith (Denver, R'lyeh )
Reply to: pers-897287913@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-28, 4:12PM MDT
Hello, and a marvelous afternoon to you. I am looking for a woman who shares my religious beliefs. I am a former associate professor of folklore from Miskatonic University in Arkham, RI who has had to relocate for business reasons. Being so far removed from the sea, where the children of the Great Dreamer hold their spiraling, dervish revels, I am finding it difficult to remain involved with my faith. I need a woman of the same beliefs, well-versed in the mouldy pages of the Encyclopedium Infernum and the blasphemous, forbidden works of Abdul Alhazred to perform with me the rites and ecstasies of our ancient antediluviun ceremonies. If you have to ask, then you're not right for me, and may the star-spawned, creeping horrors of R'lyeh grasp you in their pulpy, squamous feelers and drag you howling into abysses of eldritch grotesqueries beyond the ken of man!
* Location: Denver, R'lyeh
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other
commercial interests
Friday, November 7, 2008
Response!
On Tue, Oct 28, 2008 at 1:40 PM, Pierced Kitty
<XXXXXXXX@yahoo.comed.k> wrote:
> ** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
> ** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
> ** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
> ** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
>
> Hi, I read your ad at Craigslist. I am a full time student. I am studying social work. I work as an intern at Disability Center for Independent Living. I enjoy going to wacky festivals, museums, live music, hiking, jogging, swimming, plays, potlucks, restaurants, and movies.
>
> Call me XXX-9782. I hope to hear from you soon.
You remind me of a dame I used to know, a real class broad used to dance over at Maxim's. Good kid, but got mixed up with the wrong kind of people, ended up taking a dime rap for her pimp boyfriend down in Canyon City. Nice red cheeks, legs like a stork when she wore heels, a little follow-me walk like a diamond-decked call girl who knew her way around a penthouse<XXXXXXXX@yahoo.comed.k> wrote:
> ** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
> ** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
> ** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
> ** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/
>
> Hi, I read your ad at Craigslist. I am a full time student. I am studying social work. I work as an intern at Disability Center for Independent Living. I enjoy going to wacky festivals, museums, live music, hiking, jogging, swimming, plays, potlucks, restaurants, and movies.
>
> Call me XXX-9782. I hope to hear from you soon.
apartment. Any connection? Could she be behind everything? Last I heard she got out on good behavior, stuck her thumb up, and pulled a Lindberg Baby. Hasn't been seen since, though what with all the advances in plastic surgery these days, who knows?
The Dame With The Satyr's Smile
You: The tall redhead with legs up to your earrings and a wiggle
like a python no one told couldn't walk upright.
Me: Sitting behind my desk, nursing a hangover, just a broken-down
ex-con with no business in this business. I've been looking for you ever since that day you came into my office and put that envelope on my desk. I've got a lot to tell you, mainly that the whole Greek angle sits about as well as a frog on a tissue paper lily-pad. I've got a knot a my head the size of a gorilla's fist from when those boys your old flame sent after me gave my a little mahogany shampoo. I've got a stiff in the trunk and all Hell knows what he's got to do with all this. Are they planting the evidence on me, hoping one more screw-up in a lifetime of screw-ups will finally send me up for good? All I can say is that dead men are heavier than broken hearts, and with all the bodies from this case I'm feeling about two tons shy of a battleship. Or was this the angle all along? Shake your cans all sweet-potatoes until I'm all turned around, can't see the set-up, can't see that it was your hand that came out of the car window that night holding the revolver?
like a python no one told couldn't walk upright.
Me: Sitting behind my desk, nursing a hangover, just a broken-down
ex-con with no business in this business. I've been looking for you ever since that day you came into my office and put that envelope on my desk. I've got a lot to tell you, mainly that the whole Greek angle sits about as well as a frog on a tissue paper lily-pad. I've got a knot a my head the size of a gorilla's fist from when those boys your old flame sent after me gave my a little mahogany shampoo. I've got a stiff in the trunk and all Hell knows what he's got to do with all this. Are they planting the evidence on me, hoping one more screw-up in a lifetime of screw-ups will finally send me up for good? All I can say is that dead men are heavier than broken hearts, and with all the bodies from this case I'm feeling about two tons shy of a battleship. Or was this the angle all along? Shake your cans all sweet-potatoes until I'm all turned around, can't see the set-up, can't see that it was your hand that came out of the car window that night holding the revolver?
Oh Joy, Responses from a Robotic Spamming Service!
On Thu, Oct 23, 2008 at 3:10 PM, celene vanna
XXXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com > wrote:
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Whassup? My names celene, I just found your post on CL right now. To let you
know about me, I?ve been 28 for a month now, and i bought my house in
january. It's been difficult to find a man ever since lol!. A friend of mine
met a boyfriend on craigslist, so I thought i'd try here. If you want to get
to know me some more, please send me a response. Have a nice day
________________________________
this message was remailed to you via: pers-890705637@craigslist.org
Celene, please, there is no time! I have scanned the data-sphere and you are not the woman I seek. Do you know the location and identity of the person whose blood holds the key to the survival of humanity? Are you an agent of the AI's, here to entrap me? Speak woman! What's that? Just a noise. No reason to imagine cold metal claws slowly drawing up behind me, ready to rend my soft human parts. My god... they're here. These primitive weapons can't hold them off for long. Tell the world, Celine! Record this conversation, so that I may view it during my briefing in the far future. Zap! Zip! Fwoooooom!
On Thu, Oct 23, 2008 at 5:48 PM, celene vanna
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com > wrote:
How are you, Colin? you have some freetime? I just logged into my cam page,
if you want to party a little bit. Hit me back, ill check my email again in
a few minutes
Haven't you been listening, harlot? I don't have any free time, for every moment I spend here is tempting the laws of causality themselves! Why would I divert precious moments from my mission to see your withered, odorous parts, reminiscent of the dripping maw of the dreaded space-shoth, when I can return to my own time and the pleasure domes of Kal-Kalai?
XXXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/
Whassup? My names celene, I just found your post on CL right now. To let you
know about me, I?ve been 28 for a month now, and i bought my house in
january. It's been difficult to find a man ever since lol!. A friend of mine
met a boyfriend on craigslist, so I thought i'd try here. If you want to get
to know me some more, please send me a response. Have a nice day
______________________________
this message was remailed to you via: pers-890705637@craigslist.org
Celene, please, there is no time! I have scanned the data-sphere and you are not the woman I seek. Do you know the location and identity of the person whose blood holds the key to the survival of humanity? Are you an agent of the AI's, here to entrap me? Speak woman! What's that? Just a noise. No reason to imagine cold metal claws slowly drawing up behind me, ready to rend my soft human parts. My god... they're here. These primitive weapons can't hold them off for long. Tell the world, Celine! Record this conversation, so that I may view it during my briefing in the far future. Zap! Zip! Fwoooooom!
On Thu, Oct 23, 2008 at 5:48 PM, celene vanna
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.
How are you, Colin? you have some freetime? I just logged into my cam page,
if you want to party a little bit. Hit me back, ill check my email again in
a few minutes
Haven't you been listening, harlot? I don't have any free time, for every moment I spend here is tempting the laws of causality themselves! Why would I divert precious moments from my mission to see your withered, odorous parts, reminiscent of the dripping maw of the dreaded space-shoth, when I can return to my own time and the pleasure domes of Kal-Kalai?
Time is Short, I Need Your Genes! - 98 (New Denver Hive)
Reply to: pers-890705637@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-23, 1:28PM MDT
There isn't much time, I must find you. Already the chronos-tides are
pulling at my every molecule, trying to correct the horrible paradox I
represent merely by being here. All I have of you is a grainy image
from the archaic techno-digital format known as "jpeg", and the initials "J.M". You are more important than you can ever know.
We knew the AI's were up to something. We knew they no longer needed
us . We never could have dreamed that they would introduce the M19
virus. Somewhere in the archives our sages found you carry the gene
that will give immunity
to your descendants and, if I am successful, all of humanity.
Incoming transmission from hegemony council: Anomalies in
chronos-tides detected. AI's may be attempting insertion of enemy
agent.
If you are out there, you must come forward. I only have 22:18:03 left
in this epoch before reintegration!
Incoming transmission from hegemony council: AI Agents detected in
vicinity of Old New Denver, 900 BA epoch. Agents likely posing as law
enforcement officials. Terminate with extreme prejudice any persons
displaying suspicious behavior.
They are coming! They are coming! Contact me soon. You
are...humanity's...only...hope.
Incoming transmission from hegemony council: Mission compromised.
Proceed to time-station and sub-mission, assassination of Adolph
Hitler.
Reply to: pers-890705637@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-23, 1:28PM MDT
There isn't much time, I must find you. Already the chronos-tides are
pulling at my every molecule, trying to correct the horrible paradox I
represent merely by being here. All I have of you is a grainy image
from the archaic techno-digital format known as "jpeg", and the initials "J.M". You are more important than you can ever know.
We knew the AI's were up to something. We knew they no longer needed
us . We never could have dreamed that they would introduce the M19
virus. Somewhere in the archives our sages found you carry the gene
that will give immunity
to your descendants and, if I am successful, all of humanity.
Incoming transmission from hegemony council: Anomalies in
chronos-tides detected. AI's may be attempting insertion of enemy
agent.
If you are out there, you must come forward. I only have 22:18:03 left
in this epoch before reintegration!
Incoming transmission from hegemony council: AI Agents detected in
vicinity of Old New Denver, 900 BA epoch. Agents likely posing as law
enforcement officials. Terminate with extreme prejudice any persons
displaying suspicious behavior.
They are coming! They are coming! Contact me soon. You
are...humanity's...only...
Incoming transmission from hegemony council: Mission compromised.
Proceed to time-station and sub-mission, assassination of Adolph
Hitler.
 Reply | Forward |
Seeking a Brunhilde to my Siegfried - 89 (Denver, South America)
Reply to: pers-887917681@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-21, 12:41PM MDT
Hello, my name is Joe Everyman from Americatown, OH, and I'm seeking a WHITE woman for companionship. Because of my advanced age, I don't have a lot of time for courtship, thus any prospective WHITE date should be a little "easy" - not as easy as seizing Krakow, obtaining an Argentinian passport, or covering a thick German accent - but fast moving nonetheless. If you're interested , let me know soon. I have to move around a lot (pretty much every time I realize a man in dark glasses speaking Hebrew is following me), so get back to me post-haste!
PostingID: 887917681
- Location: Denver, South America
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Sailor Just Back From a Life at Sea - 28 (Denver, the Sea)
Reply to: pers-880310211@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-15, 12:57PM MDT
Good day, ladies. Allow me to Introduce myself: my name is Aldous Quincannon. I've been at sea now for several years, having been just discharged from the merchant marines. Because of my predicament, I have not been able to be intimate with a woman for some time. The sundry whores and painted-girls of oriental ports gave me no pleasure, their affections as hollow as their affected, tittering geisha laughs. Nor have I ever wished to go Greek, as many of my shipmates did during long stretches at sea.
Like many people, I gave my life to Neptune when things were not working well for me. My father died in a coal-slurry flood near Yorkshire, and I was unable to wrest restitution from the robber-barons of the coal concern. The legal fees drained away my meager savings, leaving me destitute and homeless. A month later, I was nicked for thievery, pickpocketing, and distribution of pamphlets containing caricatures lampooning the queen. The magistrate fined me thirty crowns, a sum I could not ever hope to pay. Facing debtor's prison, I hastily decided to join the merchant marines and escape my troubles by running towards the bosomy embrace of the sea.
I managed, over the first few years, to work my way up from lowly cabin-boy to second mate. It was not difficult, as the life is fraught with peril and much of my competition was removed by the capricious whims of the ocean. I have seen with my own eyes countless first and second mates thrown into the foam by violent pitching of the ship in stormy seas. One I have seen decapitated by a loose rigging. Two of my captains have perished, one having evacuated his bowels to the point of death from typhus, and the other slain in a mutiny. The latter of these two finally spurred me to quit the sailor's life. He was a kingly man, the only captain that ever treated me with fraternal respect. As he was tied to the ship's mast, awaiting his fate at the hands of the reprobate Swedes and Corsicans who had so ungratefully revolted against his authority, I threw myself on his breast and begged his captors for mercy. They did not listen, and for my lack of support for the mutiny I was lashed twenty-five times, with talk of keelhauling thrown in for good measure. Eventually, I was thrown in the brig where, for months, I became nothing more than a caged animal. Only intervention from a Malay slaver regained my liberty, thoughat the horrible cost of being shanghaied into his service.
I have recently moved to Denver to be as far away as I can from that cruel bitch, the sea. Her siren song still haunts me. At night I jolt awake, having dreamed of the northern lights dancing across the sky in wavering arcs like the reveling children of Eros. Still I remember the mythical Kraken, how it passed neath' the ship as a shadow impossibly large; how it brought a tear to my eye before one of its squamous tentacles grabbed a man from the deck and dragged him screaming into the abyss. Yes, she calls to me... but I must resist. She who spawned Scylla, Charybdis, the Kyklops, the sea, the sea, the womb of monsters! Why does my heart long for you, even as you batter me with waves, freeze me with howling squalls, and roast me with furious cyclopean suns? Why must my pains of missing you be like those of the opium-eater gone weeks without chasing the dragon? You cruel bitch!
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