Looking For The Celestial Madonna - 27 (Denver, Dagon System)
Date: 2010-11-11, 12:00AM MST
Hello all you lovely ladies in craigslist land! Hope you're having an enlightened day!
You know, I see a lot of posts from a lot guys that just scream immaturity. Guys that are shallow and self-absorbed, guys who brag about their cars or their jobs or their expensive watches as if those were the things that really mattered in life. I don't mean to be hard on them - after all, what man hasn't been like that at some point in his life? Heck, five years ago you could have cut out a crown from your best glossy construction paper, put it on my head, and called me king of the jerks. But, that was before I knew that empathy, compassion, and love were the real keys to happiness. That was before I had my eyes opened by the visitors from the Dagon System.
Looking back, I can't help but be amused at how naive I was. I was working some crappy corporate job, bouncing from relationship to relationship and drinking nearly five nights a week just in the hope of finding a night's reprieve from my terrible lonesomeness. Then, one night as I was stumbling home after being rejected by a girl I had bought eighty dollars worth of drinks for, I saw them: the lights in the sky. The lights in my heart.
Now, I'm never lonely anymore. I never got along well with my birth-family, but my new family is swell! We spend most of every day singing, and dancing, and chanting, and preparing our bodies for the journey to the Dagon System through ritual self-mutilation. Of course, no family is perfect, and ours is no exception. Occasionally, one of my celestial sisters gets it in her head that she wants to write a letter to her birth-mother, at which point things can get pretty tense. Fortunately, a few weeks laboring in the fields on a 500-calorie-a-day diet of lentils puts a damper on even the fieriest of spirits, but boy have we had some close calls. Also, there are the occasional attempts by birth-parents of our family member to take them away, back to their lives of crass materialism, back to being asleep. So, just in case any of them are reading this, let me repeat what our attorneys already stated: most of our members are legally adults, so if you attempt to abduct and "deprogram" any of our brothers and sisters, you WILL be charged with kidnapping.
Anyways, I'm here now looking for the Celestial Madonna. What's a Celestial Madonna? Where can I find one? Unfortunately, the visitors weren't real clear about that one, but if we are ever to achieve the symbolic rebirth that will allow our spirits to ascend to the Dagon System, we need ourselves a Celestial Madonna. Trust me, it will be worth your while. Maybe you can call me an old-fashioned guy, but I take care of my women. After two years recruiting new family members in shopping malls and college campuses, and the obligatory six months of agricultural duty, you won't have to lift a finger, not around my house! Just one of the many perks of becoming a full-fledged sister of the Society of Celestial Love, along with matching uniforms and first pick of partners during group sex sessions!
Plus, you get the privilege of living under my guidance, a man who, I just recently realized in a a burst of theosophic revelations sent to me from deep space, is the one and only true god.
Don't hesitate, my Celestial Madonna! I am here, your god's avatar, to fulfill the prophecy and vault the elect few to the paradise of the Dagon system!
Location: Denver, Dagon System
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 2053969098
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
RE: I would really like to know....
I would really like to know.... - w4m - 24 (Denver)
Where single men hang out. Online dating can be difficult and full of angst. If a woman wanted to meet a "real" man out in the world, what would she do? The relationship pundits tell women to "go where the men are." Where the heck IS that anyway? I have tried going where I think you might be and what I might say.
* Home Depot: "What exactly is a ballpeen?"
* Grocery Store: "Do these melons look ripe to you?" (okay, okay, that was questionable)
* Neighborhood Sports Bar: "What inning is it?"
* Liquor Store: "Is single malt worth the price?"
* Art Museum: "How bout those impressionists?"
* Natural History Museum: "Do you think there really is a missing link?"
* Sushi Bar: "Do you prefer Hamachi or Ebi?"
* Pro Bass Shop: "Why do they call them anglers?"
There are a lot of women just like me who are 24-60, attractive, intelligent, humorous, loyal, loving, interesting, engaging, fun to be with and would make a great partner. How can we approach you, or even give a smile of encouragement if we don't know where you are?
C'mon guys, work with us here. Give a hint as to where you can be found. I bet lots of women here would appreciate you posting that information.
Location: Denver
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1993669862
RE: I would really like to know....
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
show details 12:10 AM (4 minutes ago)
You want to know where you can find unattached men with all the qualities women find attractive? Look no further than the correctional system.
Before you get all bent out of shape let me lay some truth on you. Physically fit? You'll find the hottest hunks are the guys in the orange jumpsuits. I've seen dudes come in as scrawny runts and coming out looking like juiced-up pitbulls. Sure, you may have to have to look the other way when it comes to thousand-yard stares and prison ink detailing a long criminal history in a tapestry of complex symbolism, but can you really tell me you'll find hunkier guys at the library? Artistic? Shit, us guys don't have much else to do other than arts and crafts. I personally have made shanks out of items as innocuous as lengths of wire and toothbrush handles. My celly paints the most beautiful murals you'll ever see. Of course they're mostly about arson, but you wouldn't believe what a con hardened by the system can do with just a little kool-aid powder and syrup from a cup of fruit cocktail. Sensual? Hell, some of the guys in here like to bump so much that they've never taken "no" for an answer!
But all of that is small potatoes compared to the best thing about dating within the correctional system: loyalty. I mean, it's not like any of us guys are going to be cheating on you anytime soon. Not unless there's some new fish whose been running his mouth off and needs to be taught how things work in here. Other than that, you are practically guaranteed total fidelity from your guy. Doesn't even matter what you look like. Since most of us fellas only see a woman every three years or so when our parole hearing comes up, we ain't exactly picky.
Now, I know you're wondering just how this little arrangement can work. After all, it's not like you can just show up at the gate and ask to take one of the guys out for dinner! Well, you have several options. First - just let me get the obvious out of the way - there's conjugal visits. However, if making a life-long commitment to someone who has shown a pathological lack of empathy and need to manipulate others isn't really your cup of tea, you have other options. Are you a licensed psychiatrist, RN, or MD? If so, it's possible you could get the man of your dreams for fifteen unsupervised minutes at least twice a week. Plus, you'll be able to write prescriptions, which means you'll practically have your pick of the litter. Just this second I know a ton of guys who need to come up with several dozen doses of Oxycontin to keep the Aryan Nation off their backs.
Don't waste your time with little sissies who don't know how to appreciate a good woman. You want guys, you know where to find them. For only the willingness to smuggle in heroin inside your body, you could find the man you'll spend the next twenty-five years to life with!
Sincerely,
Jake "Cutter" Butler
Canyon City Correctional Institution
Where single men hang out. Online dating can be difficult and full of angst. If a woman wanted to meet a "real" man out in the world, what would she do? The relationship pundits tell women to "go where the men are." Where the heck IS that anyway? I have tried going where I think you might be and what I might say.
* Home Depot: "What exactly is a ballpeen?"
* Grocery Store: "Do these melons look ripe to you?" (okay, okay, that was questionable)
* Neighborhood Sports Bar: "What inning is it?"
* Liquor Store: "Is single malt worth the price?"
* Art Museum: "How bout those impressionists?"
* Natural History Museum: "Do you think there really is a missing link?"
* Sushi Bar: "Do you prefer Hamachi or Ebi?"
* Pro Bass Shop: "Why do they call them anglers?"
There are a lot of women just like me who are 24-60, attractive, intelligent, humorous, loyal, loving, interesting, engaging, fun to be with and would make a great partner. How can we approach you, or even give a smile of encouragement if we don't know where you are?
C'mon guys, work with us here. Give a hint as to where you can be found. I bet lots of women here would appreciate you posting that information.
Location: Denver
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1993669862
RE: I would really like to know....
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
show details 12:10 AM (4 minutes ago)
You want to know where you can find unattached men with all the qualities women find attractive? Look no further than the correctional system.
Before you get all bent out of shape let me lay some truth on you. Physically fit? You'll find the hottest hunks are the guys in the orange jumpsuits. I've seen dudes come in as scrawny runts and coming out looking like juiced-up pitbulls. Sure, you may have to have to look the other way when it comes to thousand-yard stares and prison ink detailing a long criminal history in a tapestry of complex symbolism, but can you really tell me you'll find hunkier guys at the library? Artistic? Shit, us guys don't have much else to do other than arts and crafts. I personally have made shanks out of items as innocuous as lengths of wire and toothbrush handles. My celly paints the most beautiful murals you'll ever see. Of course they're mostly about arson, but you wouldn't believe what a con hardened by the system can do with just a little kool-aid powder and syrup from a cup of fruit cocktail. Sensual? Hell, some of the guys in here like to bump so much that they've never taken "no" for an answer!
But all of that is small potatoes compared to the best thing about dating within the correctional system: loyalty. I mean, it's not like any of us guys are going to be cheating on you anytime soon. Not unless there's some new fish whose been running his mouth off and needs to be taught how things work in here. Other than that, you are practically guaranteed total fidelity from your guy. Doesn't even matter what you look like. Since most of us fellas only see a woman every three years or so when our parole hearing comes up, we ain't exactly picky.
Now, I know you're wondering just how this little arrangement can work. After all, it's not like you can just show up at the gate and ask to take one of the guys out for dinner! Well, you have several options. First - just let me get the obvious out of the way - there's conjugal visits. However, if making a life-long commitment to someone who has shown a pathological lack of empathy and need to manipulate others isn't really your cup of tea, you have other options. Are you a licensed psychiatrist, RN, or MD? If so, it's possible you could get the man of your dreams for fifteen unsupervised minutes at least twice a week. Plus, you'll be able to write prescriptions, which means you'll practically have your pick of the litter. Just this second I know a ton of guys who need to come up with several dozen doses of Oxycontin to keep the Aryan Nation off their backs.
Don't waste your time with little sissies who don't know how to appreciate a good woman. You want guys, you know where to find them. For only the willingness to smuggle in heroin inside your body, you could find the man you'll spend the next twenty-five years to life with!
Sincerely,
Jake "Cutter" Butler
Canyon City Correctional Institution
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A True Gentleman
A True Gentleman - 27 (Denver)
Date: 2010-09-19, 12:00PM MDT
Whatever happened to real gentlemen? What became of men of character, men who woo their ladies with long, elegant courtships? Men who hold the door of the coach open for their paramours? Men who walk to the inside of the woman in order to shield her from the fusillade of offal and waste raining down from the windows above? Real, old-fashioned gentlemen such as myself.
For, you see, I am but an eighteenth century English gentleman transported to this time by an enchanted looking-glass my late uncle found on the Singapore wharves.
Your customs, I should say, bewilder me. Take, for example, last week’s journey to the local public house and imagine my shock when I saw women, and no pox-ravaged slatterns, but actual unescorted ladies in attendance! I wanted to shout at them, “Ladies, leave here! Have you no idea what iniquities take place in a tavern such as this?” But my voice was stolen from me upon viewing an even more vexing sight. Sitting beside me, with a dour countenance and shock of fiery red hair, was none other than an Irishman! I rallied the other patrons, crying “seize him lads! Hold fast those burly arms and evict him fore’ he can blight us with some Papist enchantment!” But, to my surprise, no one stirred from their seats, and it was I who was rudely escorted out, not him!
If I cannot find an elegant lady of fine breeding, what hope is there for me in this bewildering new world?
I have combed over the records of what happened after my disappearance of 1752. All my property, including the magic looking glass, went to my sister, though records of her life are woefully incomplete. There is some allusion that she may have been carried off by an Indian during the French war, and if that was so, what became of the looking glass? Does it rest in the pocket of some grinning savage descended from the one who ravished my dear sister? Will I ever uncover what became of my family, and my only means back to my own time?
And, if I cannot return to my own era, how will I survive in this alien world? After all, the fourteen pounds I had in the bank when I disappeared surely won’t last me long – wait a minute… those fourteen pounds must have accrued quite a bit of interest by now. Mayhap I should check my bank balance… I… oh Christ. Oh, sweet merciful Christ.
You know what, forget the magic looking glass. Think I’ll buy that castle in Coventry I always had my eye on.
* Location: Denver
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1962304598
Date: 2010-09-19, 12:00PM MDT
Whatever happened to real gentlemen? What became of men of character, men who woo their ladies with long, elegant courtships? Men who hold the door of the coach open for their paramours? Men who walk to the inside of the woman in order to shield her from the fusillade of offal and waste raining down from the windows above? Real, old-fashioned gentlemen such as myself.
For, you see, I am but an eighteenth century English gentleman transported to this time by an enchanted looking-glass my late uncle found on the Singapore wharves.
Your customs, I should say, bewilder me. Take, for example, last week’s journey to the local public house and imagine my shock when I saw women, and no pox-ravaged slatterns, but actual unescorted ladies in attendance! I wanted to shout at them, “Ladies, leave here! Have you no idea what iniquities take place in a tavern such as this?” But my voice was stolen from me upon viewing an even more vexing sight. Sitting beside me, with a dour countenance and shock of fiery red hair, was none other than an Irishman! I rallied the other patrons, crying “seize him lads! Hold fast those burly arms and evict him fore’ he can blight us with some Papist enchantment!” But, to my surprise, no one stirred from their seats, and it was I who was rudely escorted out, not him!
If I cannot find an elegant lady of fine breeding, what hope is there for me in this bewildering new world?
I have combed over the records of what happened after my disappearance of 1752. All my property, including the magic looking glass, went to my sister, though records of her life are woefully incomplete. There is some allusion that she may have been carried off by an Indian during the French war, and if that was so, what became of the looking glass? Does it rest in the pocket of some grinning savage descended from the one who ravished my dear sister? Will I ever uncover what became of my family, and my only means back to my own time?
And, if I cannot return to my own era, how will I survive in this alien world? After all, the fourteen pounds I had in the bank when I disappeared surely won’t last me long – wait a minute… those fourteen pounds must have accrued quite a bit of interest by now. Mayhap I should check my bank balance… I… oh Christ. Oh, sweet merciful Christ.
You know what, forget the magic looking glass. Think I’ll buy that castle in Coventry I always had my eye on.
* Location: Denver
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1962304598
Sunday, September 12, 2010
RE: Where are the Brits/Expats?!
Where are the Brits/Expats?! - w4m - 24 (Denver - LoDo)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-09-11, 3:25PM MDT
Reply to: pers-q3paa-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org -------------------------------------------------------
Hello there. Expats are the holy grail. Seeking former UK resident who took up residency in CO for, well, all that Colorado offers. Am still reeling from England's depature from the WC and actually own a replica jersey if that gives you a sense a how committed. Looking forward to hearing from you and seeing where the limits lie. I am an anomaly. Email me and I will be more engaging without the limitations of privacy.
see ya!
•Location: Denver - LoDo
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1948942338
RE: Where are the Brits/Expats?!
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
show details 9:53 PM (3 minutes ago)
Good evening (or whatever time it is on your side of the world), and a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
My name is Nigel Templeton, and I am contacting you from the Republic of Korea, or as my mates around the Commission call it, The land that time forgot.
Egad, man, what a ghastly lot these Koreans are! But, perhaps further introductions are in order. As I said, my name is Nigel Templeton, current consul for for Her Majesty's Diplomatic Service, Incheon, Republic of Korea Office. After newly two years in this bastion of Confucian savagery I have, much to my delight, been given a posting in Denver, CO. Ah, to be among white men once more, and not just those petty sycophants at the Commission that hang on my sleeve begging for indulgences! It's a nasty compulsion of the British bourgeois class, I'm afraid, to intrigue and social-climb. Not that the natives are any better. One gets the feeling that, smile though they might, inwardly they view you with the same piteous contempt they would a pig groveling in the mud.
I wasn't always like this, mind you. Mary, my governess from home and closest childhood friend, said I was a brilliant and happy lad. I suppose it all changed when, fresh out of the academy, I was given my first posting in Ghana. It was two years of abject misery, of sleepless nights dreading the incessant tom-toms drumming in the wind, of mosquitoes and the runs and sun-burns, for the Englishman has neither the complexion for the black's sun nor his cuisine. If it weren't for the consul office's air-conditioner - the only thing able to maintain the white man's presence in Africa - and the occasional whore tucked discreetly into my expense account, I dare say I would have resigned from the service after the first monsoon. Christ, how the gutters stank with the overflowing offal of human refuse during the monsoons. And the dry season, let me assure you, was no better. No amount of baking by the pool, the sixth or seventh glass of gin trembling in my hand, could drown out the sheer surging mass of human odour and noise coming from the street beyond the gates. I mean, there was a corpse lying there, just lying in the street for three whole days before someone even bothered to remove it! How the fuck can these backwards grease-smeared savages hope to build a post-colonial society if even such rudimentary social services are ignored? I had hoped that colonization would have left its mark on them, would have imbued in them some spark of civility, but I know now that would be too much to ask of Africa. Africa, refuse-heap of the world! Africa, where one whiff of the foetid air sent Elizabeth, darling Elizabeth, fleeing back to Leeds, back to the arms of that fucking aristocratic cunt Simon! Simon, how I Ioathe you! How I despise your silly fucking affectations, your idle, simpering chatter! And how I hate you, Elizabeth, for choosing him over me and making me the gin-sodden, misanthropic man I am today. You wait and see, I'll rise through the ranks. I'll make ambassador one day, and soon I'll be serving up Simon's smug head on a platter, his Tudor father be damned!
But, I'm getting a new posting in America, so hopefully things will be better - starting with you. I'm sick of crying tears of impotent rage every night. Sick of the whorish expat widows pestering me for affection. Sick of dust-caked urchins loping at my heels for a discarded trinket. A fresh start, and it begins anew with you. Britannia Universalis!
Date: 2010-09-11, 3:25PM MDT
Reply to: pers-q3paa-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org -------------------------------------------------------
Hello there. Expats are the holy grail. Seeking former UK resident who took up residency in CO for, well, all that Colorado offers. Am still reeling from England's depature from the WC and actually own a replica jersey if that gives you a sense a how committed. Looking forward to hearing from you and seeing where the limits lie. I am an anomaly. Email me and I will be more engaging without the limitations of privacy.
see ya!
•Location: Denver - LoDo
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1948942338
RE: Where are the Brits/Expats?!
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
show details 9:53 PM (3 minutes ago)
Good evening (or whatever time it is on your side of the world), and a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
My name is Nigel Templeton, and I am contacting you from the Republic of Korea, or as my mates around the Commission call it, The land that time forgot.
Egad, man, what a ghastly lot these Koreans are! But, perhaps further introductions are in order. As I said, my name is Nigel Templeton, current consul for for Her Majesty's Diplomatic Service, Incheon, Republic of Korea Office. After newly two years in this bastion of Confucian savagery I have, much to my delight, been given a posting in Denver, CO. Ah, to be among white men once more, and not just those petty sycophants at the Commission that hang on my sleeve begging for indulgences! It's a nasty compulsion of the British bourgeois class, I'm afraid, to intrigue and social-climb. Not that the natives are any better. One gets the feeling that, smile though they might, inwardly they view you with the same piteous contempt they would a pig groveling in the mud.
I wasn't always like this, mind you. Mary, my governess from home and closest childhood friend, said I was a brilliant and happy lad. I suppose it all changed when, fresh out of the academy, I was given my first posting in Ghana. It was two years of abject misery, of sleepless nights dreading the incessant tom-toms drumming in the wind, of mosquitoes and the runs and sun-burns, for the Englishman has neither the complexion for the black's sun nor his cuisine. If it weren't for the consul office's air-conditioner - the only thing able to maintain the white man's presence in Africa - and the occasional whore tucked discreetly into my expense account, I dare say I would have resigned from the service after the first monsoon. Christ, how the gutters stank with the overflowing offal of human refuse during the monsoons. And the dry season, let me assure you, was no better. No amount of baking by the pool, the sixth or seventh glass of gin trembling in my hand, could drown out the sheer surging mass of human odour and noise coming from the street beyond the gates. I mean, there was a corpse lying there, just lying in the street for three whole days before someone even bothered to remove it! How the fuck can these backwards grease-smeared savages hope to build a post-colonial society if even such rudimentary social services are ignored? I had hoped that colonization would have left its mark on them, would have imbued in them some spark of civility, but I know now that would be too much to ask of Africa. Africa, refuse-heap of the world! Africa, where one whiff of the foetid air sent Elizabeth, darling Elizabeth, fleeing back to Leeds, back to the arms of that fucking aristocratic cunt Simon! Simon, how I Ioathe you! How I despise your silly fucking affectations, your idle, simpering chatter! And how I hate you, Elizabeth, for choosing him over me and making me the gin-sodden, misanthropic man I am today. You wait and see, I'll rise through the ranks. I'll make ambassador one day, and soon I'll be serving up Simon's smug head on a platter, his Tudor father be damned!
But, I'm getting a new posting in America, so hopefully things will be better - starting with you. I'm sick of crying tears of impotent rage every night. Sick of the whorish expat widows pestering me for affection. Sick of dust-caked urchins loping at my heels for a discarded trinket. A fresh start, and it begins anew with you. Britannia Universalis!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
RE: I am a woman seeking a man with a truck
I am a woman seeking a man with a truck (50ish arapahoe and 95th street)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-24, 3:50PM MDT
Reply to: pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi!
I need something moved - it is only a few miles.
Wouldn't it be great if you helped me and there was chemistry??
or even a new friendship!
I will help pay for gas.
Please send a photo - thanks.
•Location: 50ish arapahoe and 95th street
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1917207015
RE: I am a woman seeking a man with a truck
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 12:07 AM (7 minutes ago)
Roger that, I get your meaning.
Lets skip all the fucking bullshit and get straight to the point. My name is Hank. Just Hank for now - if you're on the level, maybe later we can have that "relationship" you were talking about. For now, just ask around at the truck stops on I-20 and everyone will tell you that Hank is the type of guy you want a relationship with, the type of guy that always comes through and never tries any sketch bullshit. Ask anyone and they'll tell you that Hank's product is the best around, and I've moved product from here to South Florida, so transporting it a few miles won't be a problem.
I've got the truck you need, been cooking in it since the apartment I was renting burned down because my dumb-shit cousin didn't bleed the valves on the pressure cooker. Whatever, the truck's better anyways - everything cooked, prepped, and delivered in one place, and no nosy neighbors complaining about the ammonia smell. Got the "chemistry" you're looking for, too. And this ain't no backwoods fuckin' hillbilly chemistry, neither. I'm talking about 99% purity, cooked with lab-grade ingredients, not some trailer-trash cocktail made from the stuff under the sink.
You'll pay for gas? Hell, you'll pay for a lot more than that. I'm gonna need sufedrine, at least 200 packs, methyl alcohol, and sodium benzoate. I'm not running a charity here, so if you want a "relationship" with me, you gotta put in your own work. If everything goes smoothly, we can talk points off the percentage. But, maybe that's thinking too far ahead. For the time being, I just need to make sure I can trust you enough to do business.
You wanna find me, ask around.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-24, 3:50PM MDT
Reply to: pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi!
I need something moved - it is only a few miles.
Wouldn't it be great if you helped me and there was chemistry??
or even a new friendship!
I will help pay for gas.
Please send a photo - thanks.
•Location: 50ish arapahoe and 95th street
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1917207015
RE: I am a woman seeking a man with a truck
Colin Heintze to pers-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 12:07 AM (7 minutes ago)
Roger that, I get your meaning.
Lets skip all the fucking bullshit and get straight to the point. My name is Hank. Just Hank for now - if you're on the level, maybe later we can have that "relationship" you were talking about. For now, just ask around at the truck stops on I-20 and everyone will tell you that Hank is the type of guy you want a relationship with, the type of guy that always comes through and never tries any sketch bullshit. Ask anyone and they'll tell you that Hank's product is the best around, and I've moved product from here to South Florida, so transporting it a few miles won't be a problem.
I've got the truck you need, been cooking in it since the apartment I was renting burned down because my dumb-shit cousin didn't bleed the valves on the pressure cooker. Whatever, the truck's better anyways - everything cooked, prepped, and delivered in one place, and no nosy neighbors complaining about the ammonia smell. Got the "chemistry" you're looking for, too. And this ain't no backwoods fuckin' hillbilly chemistry, neither. I'm talking about 99% purity, cooked with lab-grade ingredients, not some trailer-trash cocktail made from the stuff under the sink.
You'll pay for gas? Hell, you'll pay for a lot more than that. I'm gonna need sufedrine, at least 200 packs, methyl alcohol, and sodium benzoate. I'm not running a charity here, so if you want a "relationship" with me, you gotta put in your own work. If everything goes smoothly, we can talk points off the percentage. But, maybe that's thinking too far ahead. For the time being, I just need to make sure I can trust you enough to do business.
You wanna find me, ask around.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
RE: $1 Alt Lifestyle(female)
$1 Alt Lifestyle(female) (Greensboro)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-16, 5:57PM EDT
Reply to: hous-xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: corner of XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXX
Have you ever had fantisys of being part of a harem or a slave girl? Would you
like to be part of a social experiment? You will get 1 collar, 1 shared
bedroom(bunk bed, fully furnished), utilities(gas,elec,water,HS-cable,local phone)
and food; for $1/month + (cleaning or cooking). Room assignments may change every
4 months.
Spots available 1 cook, 1 maid, and 1 pet. Spots are 4 to 8 months only and pet
may not be the first role you take; pet is also optional. And since this kind of
thing can be taken the wrong way, a non disclosure contract will also be required.
Mon 6PM-10PM and Fri 6PM-7PM will be house dinner and house meetings, dinner prep
starts 5:15PM for cook, else 11:15pm curfew. Requires 5hrs/week dinners
and house meetings and 5hrs/week in assigned roleplay. No eating or drinking in
bedrooms. No overnight guests unless imediate family. No parties. no smoking
anywhere on property. And will require some reading to our small group. other duties
include your own laundry, and cleaning up after yourself in all common rooms.
This experiment is about roleplay, learning the minimum cleaning that a social worker would require from you if children were in the house, learning how to cook for a family of 6, and learning how to follow and give directions. This is also about presenting your goals to a group and as a group, being held accountable. This will be a documented experiment, if you wish to write a journal it can be turned in every 6 months at ($10per readable & full page) up to $500.
The trade is this: room and board for 10hrs/week your end. My end, I get two cooked meals per week, a clean house and quotes-jurnalistic ideas if you turn in a journal.
The downstairs has one male until Nov. then It will be all female. The upstairs is
occupied by one male who is responsible for yard and house maintance. And their are
dogs and a cat.
We presently have 1 of the 3 spots filled. IF anyone is interested in filling another spot. (336)294-XXXX for questions or to see the house. Ask for Marty, or leave name and #.
•Location: Greensboro
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1902450025
Some Tips From an Old-hand at Harems
|Colin Heintze to hous-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 8:26 PM (2 minutes ago)
Pardon my intrusion, but after reading your message I was seized with the desire to offer my most humble and well-intentioned advice. I should preface this with by saying that the purpose of this response is not to be condescending or in any way disrespectful of your harem-building ambitions, but only to give you, with your clear lack of experience in these matters, some pointers that will allow you to avoid the pitfalls that plague many journeyman harem-builders.
First of all, three women is not a harem. It's barely even a shisha den. Now, I know what you're thinking - "three girls will be easier to manage", but let me tell you that, when it comes to harems, bigger is always better. With only three girls locked inside the incense-laden, gilded chamber of your palace, all it it takes is two forming an alliance for some very nasty plots to emerge. First, a little flirtation with the captain of the guards. Then, maybe some secret messages smuggled out to foreign ambassadors. Next thing you know, you've got some harem girl trying to enthrone the son you begot on her. Then you have guards to torture, heads to put on pikes, and bastard-sons to have quietly murdered lest they ever emerge to challenge your rightful heirs. Really, it's depressing. Better to have at least a few dozen girls, so their vying for your attention will cause them to factionalize against each other. Like my father always said, building a harem is a science, not an art.
Also, having less girls in your harem than you do wives? Seems like it defeats the purpose... just saying.
Have you even thought about security? New harem-builders never do. For every three girls, you're going to need at least one eunuch, preferably a dark-skinned kafir (I'm not racist by the way, it's just good policy to have kafirs guard your harems since, in case they weren't properly snipped, you can always look at a newborn mulatto and tell who the father was). Sure, for a harem your size you'll probably go with some low-end eunuch, but let me tell you something - when you buy discount eunuchs, you get what you pay for. Does your eunuch know the correct amount of hashish to administer to a certain girl on a daily basis? Has your eunuch the resolve to separate two girls who, while you campaign against the Hungarians, have taken to committing lewd acts with each other? Most importantly, can your eunuch crush the skull of an intruder as easily as an egg? And don't even think of trying to get a eunuch outside the union. Do that, and you'll have a few hundred picketers in front of the palace gates shouting in that creepy falsetto of theirs. By the prophet, peace be upon his name, the paperwork turns into a real nightmare.
And really, encouraging your harem girls to read and write? Maybe next we could not execute apostates, or allow women to own property. This is a harem, man, so leave all those high-falutin' modern ideals to those swines in Venice.
But, I will not harangue you further, for if there is one thing I've learned about harems, it's that the only way to truly learn is by doing. So, take my advice or leave it, because when it comes to enslaving a large number of women to be exploited as sexual objects, there's only one rule: have fun!
Sincerely,
His Most Revered Excellency Great Osman, Scourge of the Infidels, and Sal Al-Addin
Sultan Yildirim Bayezid
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-16, 5:57PM EDT
Reply to: hous-xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: corner of XXXXXXXX and XXXXXXXXX
Have you ever had fantisys of being part of a harem or a slave girl? Would you
like to be part of a social experiment? You will get 1 collar, 1 shared
bedroom(bunk bed, fully furnished), utilities(gas,elec,water,HS-cable,local phone)
and food; for $1/month + (cleaning or cooking). Room assignments may change every
4 months.
Spots available 1 cook, 1 maid, and 1 pet. Spots are 4 to 8 months only and pet
may not be the first role you take; pet is also optional. And since this kind of
thing can be taken the wrong way, a non disclosure contract will also be required.
Mon 6PM-10PM and Fri 6PM-7PM will be house dinner and house meetings, dinner prep
starts 5:15PM for cook, else 11:15pm curfew. Requires 5hrs/week dinners
and house meetings and 5hrs/week in assigned roleplay. No eating or drinking in
bedrooms. No overnight guests unless imediate family. No parties. no smoking
anywhere on property. And will require some reading to our small group. other duties
include your own laundry, and cleaning up after yourself in all common rooms.
This experiment is about roleplay, learning the minimum cleaning that a social worker would require from you if children were in the house, learning how to cook for a family of 6, and learning how to follow and give directions. This is also about presenting your goals to a group and as a group, being held accountable. This will be a documented experiment, if you wish to write a journal it can be turned in every 6 months at ($10per readable & full page) up to $500.
The trade is this: room and board for 10hrs/week your end. My end, I get two cooked meals per week, a clean house and quotes-jurnalistic ideas if you turn in a journal.
The downstairs has one male until Nov. then It will be all female. The upstairs is
occupied by one male who is responsible for yard and house maintance. And their are
dogs and a cat.
We presently have 1 of the 3 spots filled. IF anyone is interested in filling another spot. (336)294-XXXX for questions or to see the house. Ask for Marty, or leave name and #.
•Location: Greensboro
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1902450025
Some Tips From an Old-hand at Harems
|Colin Heintze to hous-XXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 8:26 PM (2 minutes ago)
Pardon my intrusion, but after reading your message I was seized with the desire to offer my most humble and well-intentioned advice. I should preface this with by saying that the purpose of this response is not to be condescending or in any way disrespectful of your harem-building ambitions, but only to give you, with your clear lack of experience in these matters, some pointers that will allow you to avoid the pitfalls that plague many journeyman harem-builders.
First of all, three women is not a harem. It's barely even a shisha den. Now, I know what you're thinking - "three girls will be easier to manage", but let me tell you that, when it comes to harems, bigger is always better. With only three girls locked inside the incense-laden, gilded chamber of your palace, all it it takes is two forming an alliance for some very nasty plots to emerge. First, a little flirtation with the captain of the guards. Then, maybe some secret messages smuggled out to foreign ambassadors. Next thing you know, you've got some harem girl trying to enthrone the son you begot on her. Then you have guards to torture, heads to put on pikes, and bastard-sons to have quietly murdered lest they ever emerge to challenge your rightful heirs. Really, it's depressing. Better to have at least a few dozen girls, so their vying for your attention will cause them to factionalize against each other. Like my father always said, building a harem is a science, not an art.
Also, having less girls in your harem than you do wives? Seems like it defeats the purpose... just saying.
Have you even thought about security? New harem-builders never do. For every three girls, you're going to need at least one eunuch, preferably a dark-skinned kafir (I'm not racist by the way, it's just good policy to have kafirs guard your harems since, in case they weren't properly snipped, you can always look at a newborn mulatto and tell who the father was). Sure, for a harem your size you'll probably go with some low-end eunuch, but let me tell you something - when you buy discount eunuchs, you get what you pay for. Does your eunuch know the correct amount of hashish to administer to a certain girl on a daily basis? Has your eunuch the resolve to separate two girls who, while you campaign against the Hungarians, have taken to committing lewd acts with each other? Most importantly, can your eunuch crush the skull of an intruder as easily as an egg? And don't even think of trying to get a eunuch outside the union. Do that, and you'll have a few hundred picketers in front of the palace gates shouting in that creepy falsetto of theirs. By the prophet, peace be upon his name, the paperwork turns into a real nightmare.
And really, encouraging your harem girls to read and write? Maybe next we could not execute apostates, or allow women to own property. This is a harem, man, so leave all those high-falutin' modern ideals to those swines in Venice.
But, I will not harangue you further, for if there is one thing I've learned about harems, it's that the only way to truly learn is by doing. So, take my advice or leave it, because when it comes to enslaving a large number of women to be exploited as sexual objects, there's only one rule: have fun!
Sincerely,
His Most Revered Excellency Great Osman, Scourge of the Infidels, and Sal Al-Addin
Sultan Yildirim Bayezid
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Looking For a Cool Chick
Looking for a Cool Chick - 27 (Seoul)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-03, 8:52PM KST
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wassup ladies? I don't know about this internet shit, but I guess its time to branch out since I haven't met any cool girls here at all. I mean, the girls here are hot and everything, and I've always had this preference for Asian chicks since my step-dad showed me this super fucked-up Japanese porno, but they walk around like they all got a bug in their asses or something.
I'm here on this totally sweet teaching gig. It's the easiest bucks I ever made since that summer I dealt weed a camp. I had this great system where my brother would sneak it into my mom's care packages from home if I promised to let him look at my Hustlers when I came back. God, he was such a fucking retard. Anyways, that was a good summer. I got one of the counselors stoned and she let me go under the shirt. She was like 20 and I was just 16, which was the first, but trust me not last, time I ever felt tit (I'm not counting when I had to pull my cousin out of the bathtub that time she overdosed. Her tits weren't even that good, maybe a 6 at best). Mostly, I just play the kids episodes of the Simpsons and try to keep them from sticking their fingers in the electrical sockets, most of the time pretty successfully I might add. I got plenty of money too, and I can't even find a way to spend it. I mean, there's like no weed here at all, which frees up like half my budget right there, and every time I go to bars there's always some old dude who wants to practice his English buying me drinks. At first I thought there was something a little fruity about that, but those dudes usually pass out after the fifth beer so I don't gotta worry about them getting all gay with me.
But it's hard finding cool chicks here, man. I mean, there's plenty of Korean girls who want a little American steel (I'm talking about my penis), but they all want to go out to dinner and chat on the internet and hold hands in public and shit. Slamming some chick was a lot easier back home, when we'd just hang in the berm behind the YMCA and huff wood varnish till one of us blacked out. I woke up with no money plenty of times, but I also slammed some of the hottest chicks in town too, so it was an equal trade. Hell, with my tolerance to varnish I'd say it was more like 70-30 in my favor. The only chick that could regularly keep up with me was Kira Watson, but that wasn't no loss since everyone knew she got crabs from Jesse Miller anyways.
So I might be kinda a playboy but I figure this is no one's maiden voyage, if you know what I mean (I mean sex). The one time I slammed a virgin she kept calling and showing up at my house and acting all clingy and shit, so I definitely don't want that. I had to promise to meet her out in farm country, then leave her ass there without a ride home to finally get the message across. Last I heard, she killed herself, so I guess I dodged a bullet by getting rid of some crazy chick sooner rather than later.
That said, if you're not crazy, not a virgin, and totally down to party, let's hook up.
•Location: Seoul
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1877990202
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-08-03, 8:52PM KST
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wassup ladies? I don't know about this internet shit, but I guess its time to branch out since I haven't met any cool girls here at all. I mean, the girls here are hot and everything, and I've always had this preference for Asian chicks since my step-dad showed me this super fucked-up Japanese porno, but they walk around like they all got a bug in their asses or something.
I'm here on this totally sweet teaching gig. It's the easiest bucks I ever made since that summer I dealt weed a camp. I had this great system where my brother would sneak it into my mom's care packages from home if I promised to let him look at my Hustlers when I came back. God, he was such a fucking retard. Anyways, that was a good summer. I got one of the counselors stoned and she let me go under the shirt. She was like 20 and I was just 16, which was the first, but trust me not last, time I ever felt tit (I'm not counting when I had to pull my cousin out of the bathtub that time she overdosed. Her tits weren't even that good, maybe a 6 at best). Mostly, I just play the kids episodes of the Simpsons and try to keep them from sticking their fingers in the electrical sockets, most of the time pretty successfully I might add. I got plenty of money too, and I can't even find a way to spend it. I mean, there's like no weed here at all, which frees up like half my budget right there, and every time I go to bars there's always some old dude who wants to practice his English buying me drinks. At first I thought there was something a little fruity about that, but those dudes usually pass out after the fifth beer so I don't gotta worry about them getting all gay with me.
But it's hard finding cool chicks here, man. I mean, there's plenty of Korean girls who want a little American steel (I'm talking about my penis), but they all want to go out to dinner and chat on the internet and hold hands in public and shit. Slamming some chick was a lot easier back home, when we'd just hang in the berm behind the YMCA and huff wood varnish till one of us blacked out. I woke up with no money plenty of times, but I also slammed some of the hottest chicks in town too, so it was an equal trade. Hell, with my tolerance to varnish I'd say it was more like 70-30 in my favor. The only chick that could regularly keep up with me was Kira Watson, but that wasn't no loss since everyone knew she got crabs from Jesse Miller anyways.
So I might be kinda a playboy but I figure this is no one's maiden voyage, if you know what I mean (I mean sex). The one time I slammed a virgin she kept calling and showing up at my house and acting all clingy and shit, so I definitely don't want that. I had to promise to meet her out in farm country, then leave her ass there without a ride home to finally get the message across. Last I heard, she killed herself, so I guess I dodged a bullet by getting rid of some crazy chick sooner rather than later.
That said, if you're not crazy, not a virgin, and totally down to party, let's hook up.
•Location: Seoul
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1877990202
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