Thursday, March 19, 2009

Need Help Having New Experiences

Need Help Having New Experiences - 18 (Denver)

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Date: 2009-03-19, 5:23PM MDT

So, I’m on Rumspringa right now and if being out among the English has taught me anything it’s that growing up in the equivilant of a nineteenth century agricultural commune hasn’t exactly been great for my social life. Just the other day, I met this guy at Starbucks who seemed really nice – handsome, educated, and not my cousin. He wanted me to put my number into his cell phone and I had no idea how to use it. Fuck. Thanks a lot, reverned Ezikeal Haag, I guess I’ll move back to Pennsylvania and have fifteen kids now, you win. Prick.

Anyways, I’m kinda trying to find myself right now. Hey, you know what’s fun? Eating burgers, playing video games, and watching movies. You know what’s not? Having to maintain rigidily enforced silence after sundown backed up by threats of shunning and corporal punishment. Just for once, when I see a group of girls my age talking about something called “The Hills” or “Twilight”, I’d like to be able to offer them more than tips on animal husbandry.

Seriously, it’s Rumspringa and I need to learn more about the world. I’ve already had someone show me how to use the computer (ooooh, scary! I know how to use something that’s not manure!) and want to learn more, all of it. I’ve spent so much of my life sewing quilts that I can’t even make my fingers light a cigarette, if I was even allowed to smoke, which I’m not.

I want someone to show me everything: I want to pursue awkward, unsatisfying sex with perfect strangers because Christ knows when the next time I have the opporunity to do THAT comes along. I want to smoke, drink, ride in cars, snort coke, meet a guy who seems really nice at first but ends up getting me addicted to meth and pimping me out to middle-aged men in a motel room by the interstate… everything. I want some guy to tell me I have “a good look” for movies and end up starring in several amature porno videos, though I’ll be too coked out of my mind to notice and too trusting to think it will ever go any further than that. Anyone, help? Please?

Location: Denver
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PostingID: 1082818940

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