Anyone Up For a Double Date? (Denver)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [?]
Date: 2008-12-21, 12:52PM MST
A good evening, this is George.
Um, Yes, and we were wondering if there are any couples out there who might wish to go out on a double date. Martha here insists that our marriage here needs some spice to it. Apparently after twenty years of blessed matrimony she finds the taste of gin and vinegar unsatisfying.
We could talk about unsatisfying, George. I haven't been satisfied in years!
You must excuse me. Martha couldn't make it and sent a hyena in her place.
You son of a bitch. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Yes, that's the sound they make.
Let me tell you all something about Georgie-boy here. Georgie hasn't touched me in years. Just this morning I went to give him a kiss and he pushed me on the floor.
Martha, darling, I was simply afraid that if you placed those gin-soaked lips on me I should become overwhelmed with passion and be compelled to take you by force right then and there.
I swear to God, if you even existed I would divorce you. I gave everything to you, do you know that you big flop? I even stayed in shape, stayed -
-Thin you bastard, thin!
It's true, you know, Martha is a slim 108 - years old, that is. She weighs quite a bit more than that.
Great, real great George. How about I pop you in the mouth?
I'd like to find the sailor who taught you English and shake his hand.
That's not all you'd shake, you old queer, you bookworm! You've got to make money somehow, and it's not on an associate professor's salary, not on those funny little books you write.
Shut up, Martha.
You see, Georgie-boy here wrote a book. Spent five years on it. Then he took it to the big publisher Georgie Senior and said "daddy, can you publish my book?"
Martha, shut your loathsome mouth!
And what do ya suppose daddy says? Shoots him down is what! Five years, down the drain, just like the last twenty I've spent with this son of a bitch.
You're a spoiled, self-indulgent, willful, dirty-minded, liquor-ridden…
That wasn't very nice.
And now we get to play a new game, "Martha the martyr". We've played this game before, haven't we dear?
Oh, but I'm so good at it!
Let me assure you, good people, that this a game at which Martha excels. We've seen with our own three eyes - Martha being a cyclops - how well she plays.
It's not hard, when I've got a stuffy effeminate queer for a husband.
Martha, if you do not shut that vulgar mouth I will tear you to pieces.
You don't have the guts.
No, I gave them all to you. I'm warning you, it will be total war.
Total. Come at me!
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