Sunday, December 21, 2008

I'll Settle For Significantly Less Than 72 Virgins

I'll Settle For Significantly Less Than 72 Virgins - 25 (Denver)
Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-12-22, 12:05AM MST

Okay. Here's the deal. Lately I'm starting to question this whole "mujahideen" thing. Unfortunately, it isn't the sort of thing I can just walk away from, you know? It's not like I can say "Sorry Osama, but things aren't working out for me, so I'm going to need you to cash in all my vacation time and cut me a check. Can I still use you as a reference?" And though I may have become a little disillusioned with the whole "waging holy jihad in defense of sacred sharia law" stuff, I just can't imagine losing out on those 72 virgins, especially when I've already put so much work into it. Hell, I don't even hate the Jews. I saw a production of Fiddler the other day and nearly blew up (no pun intended) with applause at the end of the second act. I also met Mel Brooks once at a coffee shop. He's a really sweet old guy.
Sure, when I flew into New York (again, no pun intended, ha ha) eight years ago posing as a Lebanese exchange student, I couldn't think of anything but what the recruiters had promised me when I signed up as an impressionable fifteen year-old living in occupied Palestine. "Fight the great American Satan AND take down the illegitimate Zionist Occupation Government? AND I get virgins thrown in the deal? Sign me up!" But now... I don't know.
So, here's the deal. I will stop everything if I can just get my virgins now. It's a win-win: I get my virgins, and you don't get blown up. Deal, right? I would even settle for less virgins, 40 or so, or around 25 if they're really pretty and unquestioningly obedient to my every command.

* Location: Denver
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PostingID: 966674185

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